2012 in Review, or The Longest Post of All Time.

It's been an interesting year indeed. As Kelsie put it, "The week between Christmas and New Years is like the hangover of the year." In addition to the weight of an endless supply of mucus and sickness holding my body fast to my couch, thoughts of the craziness that was 2012 have been weighing my mind down. Not in a sad way, but in a, "Holy cow, what a journey," way. So here's a post to highlight some of the ups and downs of the year, including some tasty nougats from my journal (I can write all the run-ons, etc. I want, it's my journal and I do what I want!). All quotes are from my journal, unless otherwise cited.
"Well, this year is almost over and I'm glad of it. I'm not trying to sound negative or complain, but it was a tough year and though I'm very grateful for what I have learned and how I've grown, I'm ready for a new year with new adventures and fresh starts."
Chapter 1: Friends

Something that stands out in my mind are the friends I've made and lost. I've made some really amazing new friends this year! Friends that I hope to keep for years to come. 

LOVE these girls.

Obviously my lady lover Hillary isn't new to the picture, but her man lover husband is, and I love him too!

Connor, and our shared hatred of dogs- that's friendship.

I've also lost some friends, some who came and went, and some who really caught me by surprise when they left me. I was looking through my journal and I saw an entry dated June 10, 2012 that said a lot of my close friends were dating, seeing someone, married, or just gone, and that I felt stranded. I think that maybe it was around that time that I felt I had out to reach out to new people and look for new experiences. Though some of those friends broke off their relationships with the others and wanted to come back to me, I think I never recovered. For so many reasons we fell apart and it's hard to blame anyone. I can't be too angry because I see the situation from many sides and though it sucks, and though I complain and it makes me sad- I get it. I'm just so grateful that God prepared a lot of emotional life cushioning for me.
  Video justification: I fought the emotional life piranhas and I'm pale and bad-a like Jack White. Well, bad-a in other, music talent lacking ways...
Obviously I don't think it wise to post pictures of those who left...awkward ovaries. It's interesting to me that some of the very things that have filled my mind the most this year were some of the reasons some of my friends left me- questions about the Gospel and what The Savior would have me do, and how He would have me behave. 

In losing some of my friends this year, I've realized how important some of my other friendships are to me.

LOVE this whole family, and especially my pre-mortal bunk mate, Kelsipher.

This year my sister and I have become besties!

I miss these ladies! So excited for our 5-year reunion! 

Chapter 2: Gospel/Life Studies
I wish I was a good enough writer to even begin to describe some of the thought journeys I've gone on this year. I've thought about that what kind of life God wants me to live. I've thought about how I should spend my time, and how that does and does not define my self worth. I've thought about my role as a woman in the church and in the world. I've thought about what love means, is, and how it happens.
Ch.2, a
I've thoroughly enjoyed continuing my studies of the Old Testament, and it has spurred a lot of my thoughts about faith, righteousness, self-righteousness, unrighteous judgment, and more. In addition to my personal study of the Gospel I took an amazing institute class and went to the temple a lot.

My grandmother and I at the St. George temple just after a session

I thought about the point of the Gospel a lot. A LOT A LOT. I just feel like a lot of people miss the point of the Gospel, and I want to make sure I don't miss it in the long run. 

What's the point? It's love. I know that sounds cliche and over simplified, but it's the truth. Love shows us that God gives us commandments to help us, because He loves us. Any perceived inequality in the church is, in my opinion, not from God, but rather from us humans. God doesn't love any of His children more or less based on their appearance, ethnicity, gender, etc. This Gospel is best experienced when we focus on the positive and assume the best in others. To further moosh these thoughts in your brains, here's a clip from my journal.
Ch.2, b

"One thing I feel like I've begun (just begun) to learn about , is finding balance in the Gospel. On the one hand I want to be obedient to the Lord's specific commands, and on the other, I want to grasp the most important parts of the Gospel. I don't want to be like the Jews of old, obsessing over rules and missing the mark. I want to always be worthy to have the spirit, but I don't want to judge others or myself too harshly."

"I believe the path taken to the Celestial Kingdom will be different for all of us. The Iron Rod isn't one straight and hard pole leading to the Tree of Life- it's an intertwining rope made of endless numbers of vines."
"...don't beat yourself up because it's a different path than you imagined or because it's a different path than someone else."

"Some things are black and white- right and wrong, but most things aren't that clear cut. Only by the spirit can we be led individually, and as families, back to the cleansing blood of the atonement and the unimpeded love and access to the one true and eternal God."

Just one of many miracles this year, when my long lost and beloved scriptures were found!

Ch.2, c

The cherry on top that led to this journal clip was the whole pants to church thing. I do think we should wear our best to church. I do think we have eternal roles based on gender. I do think it's disrespectful to take the focus off of God and try to put it on our own agendas. I do think it's wrong to judge others based on their appearance, but I don't think the way to change hearts is by wearing pants to church.

"Another thing I've begun to learn is that the Gospel is best shared individually and by the spirit. Hearts are not changed with organized protests and open hostility (The man by the SLC Temple shouting, "Jesus wants us to burn this building down!" will never convince me that the Gospel isn't true). More and more people, in and out of the church, will try to change the church and people's hearts, with loud shows and protests. But they will not change hearts, they will only divide people. The path to change is individual testimony. If people want to change hearts they should increase the spirit in their own lives and pray for opportunities to share." 

I just wish more people could understand the beautiful nature of the Gospel in regards to gender and roles. I wish people could separate the culture some people in the church have, and the actual Gospel. 

I love this quote from Spencer W. Kimball, “And I, God said unto mine Only Begotten, which was with me from the beginning: Let us make man [not a separate man, but a complete man, which is husband and wife] in our image, after our likeness; and it was so.” (Moses 2:26.) What a beautiful partnership! Adam and Eve were married for eternity by the Lord. Such a marriage extends beyond the grave. All peoples should call for this kind of marriage. “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord.” (Gen. 4:1.) “This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; “Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam [Mr. and Mrs. Adam, I suppose, or Brother and Sister Adam], in the day when they were created.” (Gen. 5:1–2.) This is a partnership. Then when they had created them in the image of God, to them was given the eternal command, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it” (Gen. 1:28), and as they completed this magnificent creation, they looked it over and pronounced it “good, very good” something that isn’t to be improved upon by our modern intellectuals; the male to till the ground, support the family, to give proper leadership; the woman to cooperate, to bear the children, and to rear and teach them. It was “good, very good.”

I love this quote for many reasons, but the number one reason is that is points out something important that a lot of people miss in the scriptures. Man, a complete one, means a male and female bonded in an eternal companionship. All throughout the scriptures when they say that some man or prophet goes off and does things for God, we can assume that his wife was with him. In the early history of the church the men didn't receive revelation and see visions in secret men-meetings! Their wives were with them! Okay, I'm going off on a tangent here and I'm sorry for it, but I just think the union of two people creating one amazing thing, a man, is the most beautiful thing ever. Neither is the man complete without the woman, or woman without the man! It's not about specific roles- woman, you cook and pop out the babies!- it's about working together, in whatever way is best for you as a couple, and creating a perfect union with God! Okay, I'm done. That's just the tip of the iceberg but I need to move on. Whew, next.

Ch.3: Odds and Ends
"Another thing I've learned is to always be myself. With men, with friends, with everyone. I think we should strive to be the best we can be at all times, but we should be who we are. After a while facades will fade and our masks have to come off. I need to be who I am and surround myself with people who like me for me and who support me and don't try to change me."

BEE yourself.

"Stop saying, 'When the trials end...' Don't hold onto the promised land in the future. Make the desert a promised land. If you hold onto tomorrow, you'll die of a broken heart today."

A few lyrics from My Star Wars Musical
(okay, I've only written the one song...well most of one song):
"Luke, I am your father,
Luke, you are my son.
Leia is your sister,
Good thing you didn't get some."
~
"Jedi's, Jedi's, I'm gonna cut them down.
Jedi's, Jedi's, I hope that they all drown."
~
"Luke, come join the dark side,
it is much more fun.
Luke, come join the dark side,
I secretly love you, son."

There's more, but I don't want these internet fools stealing my rhymes!

"Be where God wants you to be."

"Today the second counselor's wife (who is glorious), Sister Lithgow, was talking about the pioneers. She was saying that she felt that the pioneers did not want us to be sad because of their suffering. She said that she felt that they want us to feel "the joy of when they were released" from their pain. I think it's the same with Dad. He wants me to be happy, and he wants me to know that he experiences the joy of release."

One of the funniest pictures of my Dad.

Chapter 4: Wrap-up
I could keep adding things from my journal, but before I know it I will have put my whole journal in this post and it's already way too long. I think I've said what I wanted to. It's been one hell of a year. I wanted to leave you with Shatner "singing" Rocket Man because I feel like I'm a Rocket Woman. I'm leaving the past behind and it's already looking less like where I am and more like a speck on the other side of my space ship window. Zero hour is here and I'm ready to take off. Stupid "Embedding disabled by request." Here's the LINK. Peace.