This morning I was telling a co-worker a story about a man getting on my case for not waiting to let him open the car door for me and my brain exploded. Okay, it didn't explode, but I got really annoyed.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate chivalry, in fact, I like it a lot! If I'm on a date paahh-leeeazze open the car door for me. I just think there's a difference in actual respectful chivalry and what some people think is chivalry.
When a man insists on opening every door within a 30 mile radius of you, but doesn't consider your feelings- we have a problem. Chivalry should be natural and come from the heart, and the head. The point of chivalry is that you are trying to respect the other person and think of their comfort.
Chivalry has a lot to do with good logic. Is it logical to make me wait outside of your car (when you're across the parking lot and it's cold, etc.) when I could easily let myself it? No. Is it better to make me run across the church parking lot in heels with my dress blowing up and flashing my underwear just so you can hold the door open for me? No. If you want to see the underwear that just makes you a butthead.
If we are walking together towards the car or building, then I will pull back a little bit and you can open the door for me. If you are by the door of a building and I'm across the parking lot, please oh please do not make me run across the parking lot because you are waiting with the door open. If you are waiting by the door because we are meeting up or you want to talk to me, stand by the door and when I get closer you can open it.
Mostly I just wanted to complain. Grrr. Don't give me grief because I get in the car and I don't want to wait for you to open the door for me. Okay, this post is going south and I'm at a loss for intelligent typing. I'm going to leave it to Brett and Kate at The Art of Manliness to explain it. MEN, PLEASE READ THIS.
"Don’t feel obligated to open the car door for her when exiting the vehicle. Most people get out of a car as soon as it parks. Successfully opening a car door for a woman so she can exit will probably require you to say, “Hey, don’t get out. I want to open the car door for you.” She’ll then have to sit there and wait as you exit the driver’s side door and circle around to the passenger’s side so you can open it. You’ll just create a spectacle and may make your date feel like she’s being chauffeured instead of courted." "Holding doors open isn’t something you need to do just for women. It’s an act of common courtesy that you can show to any person whether they be man or woman. If you get to the door first before a dude, holding the door open for him is completely fine."
"A gentleman should always hold the door open for someone who is more physically burdened than him. If you see an older person, a person with an obvious physical aliment, or a person holding a crap load of packages, hold the door open for them no matter if they’re a man or a woman."
"And if someone opens a door for you, always smile and say, “Thank you!"
I know I'm nowhere near to perfect and I have a lot to work on in the way of manners and etiquette, but sometimes I just get a little frustrated. Men and women of the world, read this article and live it.
Woah, sorry. I just fainted. Anyway, here's the music:
Yeah Yeah. Killer video.
I Wanna Be Your Man. More like I want you to be my man.
Railroad Track. Simplicity done correctly.
Shakin'. Thanks for getting my heart pregnant.
She Loves Me. Yes, yes I do.
I can't wait for him to put out more music. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. Really it's all about the music, but it doesn't hurt when the music maker is swoon worthy.
I'm pretty sure I've posted about my fears before, but considering my reaction to some of my fears yesterday I thought I'd give it another go.
There are a lot of things that scare me, I'm human, but most of them are pretty easy to overcome (i.e. heights, deep water, etc.). There are however, a few things that horrify me, and that I feel are not so easily vanquished. I call them the 3 M's.
MEN.
MONEY.
MARRIAGE.
Fear, like 3M tape, holding me down.
These things scare me so much. Like, horrify me. I came home from work yesterday and I was so overwhelmed by these things that I put on my Mogwai mix, zipped myself up in my mummy bag, and Pinterested pictures of attractive men with cats to escape. I never wanted to leave that warm cocoon, and only left it when nature called (more like screamed), and then finally when Jernae came home.
Bob Dylan, with a cat, sigh.
MEN. Shudder. Seriously. I love men and I love spending time with them. A lot of the people I hang out with these days are men. I love the company of men. I love talking to men. I like looking at men and laughing with men and, well I love men...but the vulnerability that they can make me feel? Bleh. Death. I've realized at on the this point in my life that I have a lot of defense mechanisms and walls around me in regards to men (probably the same stuff all the other people on this planet are dealing with- abanodnment, rejection, etc.). Well okay, if they are just friends I can be myself 100%, but introduce the romantic factor- make me vulnerable to hurt, and up go the towers and dug get the moats.
Defense mechanisms. Poot. I am sure that there are more reasons than I currently realize for my defenses, but currently I am dealing with a few that tend to cement me in the eternal friendzone.
1. When flirting with a man I am romantically intersted in I will suddenly feel vulnerable and turn the flirtations into a joke, typically by taking things over the top. I.e. proposing marriage, making a creepy face, like this, talking about my affection for all men, pointing out my cougar tendencies, etc.
2. I go out of my way to make him feel safe. I.e. talk about other men in a romatic* way- so as to let them know I'm not thinking about them in a romantic way, or even if I am, make them feel that they're nothing special
3. Talk about women I think are attractive. Angelina, Jernae, Audrey, etc.
4. Talk about dude stuff. I.e. poop, farts, outdoorsy things, sex, nerd stuff
5. Make jokes. Turn the situation from a potential romantic something, into a funny story that leads to nowhere and distracts men from my swoon.
*When I say romantic, I don't mean red roses or any of that crap, I mean attraction, more than friends, may lead to hand holding, cuddling, kissing, etc.
All of this is about fear. I'm afraid that if I let a guy know how I really feel, I will be hurt, because the few times in my life I have let men know how I really feel...let's just say, it didn't end with smooching.
MONEY. The bane of my exsistence. Okay, well it's not that I don't like having money, that's not the problem. The problem is managing money. I just get so frustrated. I am the worst at following a budget and keeping track of money, and then because I'm not keeping track of my money I get stuck in very uncomfortable financial situations. Honestly right now I make enough money to be sitting pretty- even with my horror of horrors student loans. If only I could learn to manage my money and then actually follow through. I will be doing pretty good with my money, even saving some of it, and then bam! I make a few stupid descions and I'm sunk.
Seriously, nothing in life seems to stress me out more. I mean, the other big M's cause me a constant onslaught of fear and stress, but money troubles bring me to tears with ease. I am horrified about my future because I feel so trapped with my little debts, and my big student loan debt. I think, what man would want me and my bajillion dollars in student loans? I worry that my lack of money savvy will hurt my marriage one day. I think, you're supposed to be who you want to marry, which means I'm going to marry someone who is just as bad with money as I am! Ahhhhh! See I'm already stressing out just thinking about it!
The worst is when I inconvenience someone else with my money problems- that's the killer. It hurts my pride, and it hurts my brain, and I'm sure it hurts my relationships. Having to ask other people to help me out of a situation I undoubtedly caused, aggggggh. Possibly hurting someone else's financial plan with my own money incompetence, arrrrrgggggggggghhhhhh. Uh, you get the point. I need to move on because I'm freaking out.
MARRIAGE. I know I've posted about this enough to last a lifetime, but goodness how it plagues me. It's just kind of ridiculous how on the one hand I can be a baby hungry, crazy wedding idea Pinteresting woman, while on the other I'm COMPLETELY HORRIFIED of marriage. Shudder. Shatner. Shudder. Meeeehhh. I was telling a friend about this and I said that I guess when you find someone who makes you forget how afraid you are, and they feel the same then that's love...or something.
I'm afraid that a year into marriage I will find out my spouse is a stranger. I'm afraid that he'll secretly be a pedophile, sex-addict, abuser, hoity-toity, pussy, gay (not that I'm saying being gay is comprable to pedophilia, but it would suck if you're straight spouse came out post wedding), gambler, etc, etc. I'm afraid that my spouse will decide I'm not who he wanted. I'm afraid of dealing with money and family and then...children! What if I screw them up?! What they get killed or kidnapped or worse?! Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Blessed be, I wasn't ever abused, but I still have at least the average amount of baggage that makes people afraid of marriage.
Fear sucks. I want this to be said of me:
I want to overcome the 3M's like a baller. I want to jump off the cliff of M fear into the lake of wedded, man loving, money balanced bliss! I suppose like any fear, I need to make a plan of action. Here goes:
Work on the MONAAAY!
a. Pay tithing
b. Create a budget
c. Follow the budget
d. Pay off immediate debts
e. Save money
Let down my defenses with men
a. Flirt and then don't turn it into a joke
b. Work on believeing that a man could find me romantically interesting
c. Work on getting a hotter bod so men climb my towers* and I don't have to worry about taking the defenses down
*insert Beavis and Butthead style laugh here
Become my best me, but learn to love the me I already am more
a. Continue Gospel studies
b. Read books about empowered people, especially women
c. Facebook less
d. Finish the unfinished things I know I can finish
