Don't get me wrong, I appreciate chivalry, in fact, I like it a lot! If I'm on a date paahh-leeeazze open the car door for me. I just think there's a difference in actual respectful chivalry and what some people think is chivalry.
When a man insists on opening every door within a 30 mile radius of you, but doesn't consider your feelings- we have a problem. Chivalry should be natural and come from the heart, and the head. The point of chivalry is that you are trying to respect the other person and think of their comfort.
Chivalry has a lot to do with good logic. Is it logical to make me wait outside of your car (when you're across the parking lot and it's cold, etc.) when I could easily let myself it? No. Is it better to make me run across the church parking lot in heels with my dress blowing up and flashing my underwear just so you can hold the door open for me? No. If you want to see the underwear that just makes you a butthead.
Mostly I just wanted to complain. Grrr. Don't give me grief because I get in the car and I don't want to wait for you to open the door for me. Okay, this post is going south and I'm at a loss for intelligent typing. I'm going to leave it to Brett and Kate at The Art of Manliness to explain it. MEN, PLEASE READ THIS.
Favorite quotes:
"Don’t feel obligated to open the car door for her when exiting the vehicle. Most people get out of a car as soon as it parks. Successfully opening a car door for a woman so she can exit will probably require you to say, “Hey, don’t get out. I want to open the car door for you.” She’ll then have to sit there and wait as you exit the driver’s side door and circle around to the passenger’s side so you can open it. You’ll just create a spectacle and may make your date feel like she’s being chauffeured instead of courted."
"Holding doors open isn’t something you need to do just for women. It’s an act of common courtesy that you can show to any person whether they be man or woman. If you get to the door first before a dude, holding the door open for him is completely fine."
"A gentleman should always hold the door open for someone who is more physically burdened than him. If you see an older person, a person with an obvious physical aliment, or a person holding a crap load of packages, hold the door open for them no matter if they’re a man or a woman."
"And if someone opens a door for you, always smile and say, “Thank you!"
I know I'm nowhere near to perfect and I have a lot to work on in the way of manners and etiquette, but sometimes I just get a little frustrated. Men and women of the world, read this article and live it.
"The point of chivalry is that you are trying to respect the other person and think of their comfort." - very well put, ChaunceyChaunce. I think there are traditional forms of chivalry, but for the most part it is exactly what you said. A man (or anyone for that matter) can be chivalrous for any number of reasons; not just because he opens doors or rescues you from a dragon.
ReplyDeleteI love it! Right on! The way I always thought of this was that if someone was opening a door for me I'd rather have it be because they're considerate of me as a person, rather than just trying to impress me because I'm a girl.
ReplyDeleteI once opened the door for a girl while we were walking out to the car. She slammed it and said, "chivalry is dead" and then reopened it and got in. True Story. Ever since then, if I feel a mutual respect for a girl, I'll be delighted to open her door If no respect is present, she can open her own friggin' door.
ReplyDeleteIN ADDITION! People think that opening doors is the only part of chivalry. NOT TRUE! You walk to the girl, then WITH the girl, THEN you open the door, and if you've both been there, she goes first, if it's a new place, you go in first. PEOPLE! IT'S LIKE SAYING JESUS TURNED WATER INTO WINE IS THE BIBLE! End Scene.
You're right, Connor, chivalry isn't just about opening doors, and it doesn't just begin and end there. I wish girls wouldn't be rude about things like that. No 1 should attack someone for trying to be polite.
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