Mormon Drunk

Ugggh, this morning I woke up with a Mormon Drunk hangover. I even had all of those drunk behavior shame feelings.

Hangover [hang-oh-ver]: The disagreeable physical aftereffects of drunkenness, such as a headache or stomach disorder, usually felt several hours after cessation of drinking and lasting for a short period of time. - Synonyms: queasiness, sickishness, nausea

The Other Hangover [the uhth-er hang-oh-ver]: The regrettable social aftereffects of over consumption, such as embarrassment, shame, or guilt. While it usually goes unnoticed until the next morning, the consequences can last a lifetime. - Synonyms: embarrassment, regret, guilt, humiliation (I found this funny site, it's funny. Images and the previous definitions are from this link).

Okay...I've never consumed alcohol, drugs, or even energy drinks, in my entire life. So when I get drunk I get Mormon Drunk. And I get Mormon Drunk ALL THE TIME.

Mormons Drunk [more-mon drun-kk]: Intoxicated with sugar, sleep deprivation, air loss due to laughter, party-high, etc. to the point of impairment of physical and mental faculties.

 

The causes of drunkenness may be different, but the hangover very often is the same (I guess I just have to assume on this one).

Sugar- This one is obvious. Eat a ton of sugar at night, and/or throughout the day, wake up the next morning with these possible symptoms: headache, nausea, regret, guilt, feeling like a truck hit you, aches, and dehydration. Thank you, Valentine's Day. Thank you my whole life.

Sleep deprivation- This is something I'm really struggling with this year. For the first time I'm working full-time and I'm finding it hard to fit everything into each day without making cuts into my beauty rest. I usually get into bed early enough, but then I want to read, or most often, get sucked into something on the internet (just google FOMO).

Laura-Ultra-Mega time.

Air loss due to laughter- You try taking a road trip past Virgin, Fillmore, and Beaver with some perv-tard friends and tell me you don't get a little light-headed from laughter. This one is actually more of a high, either way, it leads to excess levels of awkwardness from me.

Party high- I love having parties. Whenever there's a party at my house I get into this party mode and I get a little crazier than usual. It's like Laura-Ultra-Mega time. Take all of my regular qualities and now amplify them! BAM!

And now, the The Other Hangover. Remember, the regrettable social aftereffects of over consumption, such as embarrassment, shame, or guilt? While it usually goes unnoticed until the next morning, the consequences can last a lifetime. - Synonyms: embarrassment, regret, guilt, humiliation.

I'm defo the awkward drunk.

Last night we had a party and per usual when there's a party at my house I combined many of my Mormon vices and got Mormon wasted. There was some MASSIVE sugar intake (near to sugar alcohol poisoning I'd say), sleep deprivation, air loss due to laughter, and party-high involved. Uh-Oh.

Okay, so it's not like I groped anyone excessively, kissed any girls, or really revealed anything life-changing or regrettable, but I definitely experienced some of the regret that can come from drunken revelries.

Last night I promised I wouldn't say anything awkward about some guy situations...FAIL. I had about 5 I shouldn't have said that situations. There might have been a few TMIs too.

One day my awkward Momon Drunkeness might lead me to an awkward Mormon date, and then an awkward Mormon family. Dream big, Laura.

The point? That was the point, this was purely informational. Now you can know what I mean when I say I'm Mormon Drunk. And so to heal my feelings of regret and shame I will write a talk for church tomorrow.

Soundtrack: Purity Ring (I just realized that's a little bit ironic)