Convenience friends. Hmmmp. Okay, I don't mean like school or work friends that you're friends with when they're around, and that's okay because they're not friend friends, they're work friends. I mean people who want to be friends via social media, have the ability and potential to be friends in real life (face to face), but don't seem to want to make any effort beyond that.
I have a lot of college friends who do not live near me. We interact mostly on FB, and with a few of the closer ones, via text, snail mail, email, or phone calls, etc. Then there are the friends who I used to be real life friends with once upon a time, but now we don't have the potential or ability to be real life friends because of distance. I miss these people, and I will take any sort of interaction with them that I can get.
What I don't need is someone who lives 10 minutes away and doesn't really have an excuse not to be a real life friend with me. Okay, so maybe they're not invested, maybe they don't want to be real life friends. Fine, okay, cool cool. Then why are you all BFFing me up on FB?
Example. A friends mom wanted to set me up with this guy who lives about 7 hours away from me. He emailed me and a get to know you conversation ensued. I sent a spectacular response email. He responded to that. I responded with another winner, which included several questions that warranted responses.
Then he added me on FB. Oh, now we're FB friends! We don't need to communicate for real or email anymore. Okay, at this point I would have been fine. Honestly I was not into him, but here's where I get annoyed. Hey Mr. Long Distance, I love it when you don't respond to my email, aka worthwhile communication. I love it even more when you suddenly start commenting with emoticons on my FB pictures from 2 years ago. I love it when you like everything I post, and make comments like we have some sort of inside joke/we know each other, relationship. Oh wait, I don't. So basically you don't want to get to know me with meaningful communication, you'd rather just FB creep me. Let's never talk, that's asking too much. Whew, sorry, I went off a rant there.
I mean, straight up men, isn't it true that if I man wants to spend time with you, he'll make it happen? Fine, okay, so leave me alone. Don't nourish a fake relationship online, and leave me hanging in the real world. Maybe I need to cut him off. Maybe I need to stop nourishing back. Why do men think it's okay to be selectively responsive? Gahhhhhh. Advice? Thoughts?
To sum it up.
If we can't be real life friends, FB is great.
If we can be real life friends there should be a healthy balance of real life communication and FB, heavy on the real life side.
If you don't want to be my real life friend, go away.
If you want to be my real life friend, get in here (my life).
But really, talk to me people.
Hey! You're ranting and raving on your blog, I'm ranting and raving on my blog...what a coincidence!
ReplyDeleteThis is insightful, and unfortunate. It's kind of uncharted territory, socially, so there aren't really rules for the situation, which is frustrating. I think I know what I might do if I were in your situation, but be forewarned that I've always been a little reckless with laying my cards on the table. First of all, I'd either ask them out or invite them to something in particular like a movie with friends or a party or whatever. Something with a date and time that will require a "yes" or a "no". I'd give them a few chances because sometimes there may be a genuine schedule conflict. But if they blow you off two or three times, I'd back off. By "backing off" I mean I would not really respond to them much online, and whenever you post a status you can actually customize its visibility and make it visible to all your friends *except* [whoever you list]. That doesn't mean you have to hide from them completely. But if some status updates are slightly more personal, or whatever, you can discreetly limit that. There are a few things you can play with in your privacy settings too in order to create varying degrees of visibility/interaction on fb. It's worth checking out. In time if you don't react or respond that much, they may just naturally lose interest. It sounds cold, but I think you are right that if it's an option, face-to-face friendship should be on the radar. It's not even that they have to be your best friend, but it does seem strange that someone would want to be online buddies but not ever want to see you in reality. That don't make no sense!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EBsLOJv-yI
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ReplyDeleteThank you, Maggie. I agree and I had completely intended on following through with your ideas...but last night I 98% found out that I don't want to spend time with the guy afterall. Hmmm, this stuff is confusing, exhausting, and makes me just want to melt and say bleeccccccchhhhhh.
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