Halloween costumes- life costumes

It seems I cannot escape my true nature...I'm a bee.

Here I am in my Easter Bee hat- this is definitely going to part of my Halloween costume next year

Every year it's the same thing...I have these grand aspirations to be Margot Tenenbaum, a zombie artist, a Pegasus, a black widow...but it all ends the same every year- I'm a bee.

Here I am last year...as a bee, with my baby bumble bee

Perhaps next year I should give up the charade, and just start out as a bee. You see, I usually do wear a different costume to start out. This year I was a zombie for a party the week before Halloween. Last year I was a Pegasus (most people thought I was an anime character...) and Margot Tenenbaum. But I think it's time, time to just be a bee.

Her costume is way more Blind Melon than mine

I love my bee costume though...I've had it since the 7th grade! (I don't get how it still fits...but it does). Maybe I should start working on the ultimate bee, the Blind Melon bee...but no, I love my bee costume. It's kinda like a potato sack...the stingers worn from all the children pulling on it over the year (it's held together by a safety pin)...there's a spot where I put a banana sticker, then washed it, and now the glue is there to stay (I always put a pin on it, this year it's a flower.

It's not just bees. I love bugs. Here are some inspiration bugs for my art I did at SVU

This was one of the many pet spiders I've had over the years. He would put all of his kills in a straight line, and then nestle himself in the middle- like a string of pearls.

Here I am in one of my childhood bee dresses. And those are my favorite sun glasses I've ever had

Here's a wasp woodcut I did a few years ago- click the photo for a link

I've always loved bees...when I was a kid I collected bee stuff. I've always loved bugs, but bees were my favorite...Maybe I should marry an entomologist...what a dream come true! My room was decorated with bee paraphernalia...I had clothing with bees on it...and even in my undergraduate, my senior art show was a collection of insect paintings and prints! Maybe that's why it felt so unfulfilled- there were no bee prints.

Notice my bee shirt? I'm the one looking down on the right, I'm in a white dress with my favorite bee shirt.

 But it's not just my Halloween costume I've been thinking about. It's my entire IDENTITY. I'm, not questioning it, actually I'm pretty good with the identity thing at the moment...but I've been thinking. You are what people tell you you are. You are what you tell you you are. You are what you tell people you are. If people tell you you're something enough, it wont be long before you'll convince yourself that you really are what they've said.

 I think that happens a lot. Like, my whole life people have told me I'm weird...so I accepted the role they gave me...then when I accepted, and even enjoyed that role, people got mad at me for it. They'd say things like, "You just like saying you're weird, " or, "You just want attention..." etc. But I don't know, people told me I was something, that turned into me accepting their opinion of me, and so I became that- weird. 

 
It's like this episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I wont deny it, I like the show- it's like hormone pumped Power Rangers on crack)- this girl at Buffy's school is ignored by everyone. Students, teachers, no one even knows she exists- and eventually she just disappears! Well, I wont go into the details, but basically she becomes invisible and seeks revenge on those who ignored her. The point is, everyone treated her like she was invisible, and so she became invisible. 
Okay...so that's a fictional example- but I know this girl ("Is this real life?" Yes it is.), she constantly says things like, "Oh, well I'm just the meanest person alive..you know me, I'm a real jerk...you know me, because I'm so good looking (lay on the thickest sarcasm you can imagine here)...oh well, because everyone looooooves me," and so on. I'm not going to lie, I usually want to punch her when she says this crap. I mean, I've never once said anything to her that puts her down- I DON'T NEED TO, SHE'S GOT IT COVERED. grr. I mean, she tells everyone she's awful, so you know what? Everyone thinks she's awful- it's a vicious cycle.
I could go on, citing more examples of people who are "gay," fat, ugly, stupid etc. etc.- but the thing is, maybe if everyone hadn't told them they were those things all their lives, or maybe if they hadn't told everyone they were those things (can we say faulty defense mechanisms here?!)- people wouldn't think they were those things, and maybe they wouldn't be those things. Woah, run-on sentence that I'm too lazy to fix.


"I don't hate you because you're fat, you're fat because I hate you."

frick frackin' bee.