Love love love. Or more specifically, dating.

I've come to a realization lately. I need to stop complaining about the things I want. I mean, how is it logical to say, "I really want a degree...but I'm going to complain about school every step of the way?" Or, "I really want a boyfriend...men are such idiots! I can't stand them! They need to ask me out...bla bla bla."? No, it's not. A. STOP COMPLAINING (Remember audience, this blog is usually me talking about me...so I'm saying, I need to stop complaining.) And not only do I need to cut back on complaining in general, but I really need to stop complaining about things I want, or actually like!

I don't understand much about men, but I do know this- It takes two to tango, it goes both ways, and non of us are innocent. Men are idiots, but so are women. Women are scared and confused, but so are men.

B. I think I’ve discovered something about men. I mean, I don’t think I do, or ever will, understand them- but I think I’ve caught a glimpse. I’ve always thought that when a guy gives me attention, flirts with me, tells me personal things, and is comfortable- he likes me. I mean, that’s how I treat guys that I “like like.”

BRAIN BLAST! That’s also how I treat guys that I just like as friends…

I was going to say that when a guy treated me this way, I assumed it meant he liked me, but maybe the problem is that he’s too comfortable with me. Maybe I need a guy to feel nervous and a little bit uneasy around me…maybe it’s the ones who I don’t notice, because they’re too afraid to be at ease with me, who like like me…

Maybe this is how it is, they like like me- they hide; they like me- they’re my best friend. Maybe I do the same thing to men. But guess what- that’s crap!

"HAPPY SMILE. SAD FROWN."

If I like a guy I should be able to shower him with attention- I’m not talking stalker, over the top drowning here- I just mean an appropriate amount of affection. I want to date my best friend; I want to marry my best friend. I don’t want friends and a lover, I want a friend lover.

That’s my pattern though. I meet a guy. I like a guy. We become great friends. He thinks I’m amazing, “great people” (I SO relate with Queen Latifah’s character in Just Wright), he loves me, but doesn’t love me (it’s like my excess of fans, when all I really want is friends). The problem with guys friends who I want to be more than friends, is that it makes me feel like I’m in a hole, a rigid pattern, that I’ll never escape. He’ll tell me his thoughts and secrets, I’ll get close, and then one day he’ll tell me about the girl he like likes, the girl that’s not me.

So here’s the thing, this blog was initially going to be very different. It was, and now will be, about giving men a break. I think women love to blame men for all of the relationship problems in the world, and men love to blame women. But the reality is that it’s hard for everyone. Women are afraid of being shutdown and of not being asked out, dated, and loved. But men have to do the asking! And guess what, they’re definitely afraid of being shutdown, turned down, and not being loved. I used to say, “Men need to grow a pair and ask girls out!” Or, “It’s not like a lot of girls say, ‘No;’ guys just need to ask the right girls out, I wouldn’t say no.” But I’ve come to realize, girls say no to guys all of the time- and not just the creepers, girls turn down guys all the time (and most likely for the same bogus reasons guys aren’t asking more girls out).

Guys think girls want something unrealistic, perfect- Edward Cullen, and maybe some girls do- but most of us want real men. Real men who make mistakes, who aren't cold and "perfect" (but actually Edward is creepy on like 12 levels...). And women think the same thing- we think you want models with "perfect" bodies...but I have a feeling, that like us, men want real people too. Emotional, squooshy women.

I'LL TAKE AN IMPERFECT REALITY OVER A PERFECT FANTASY ANY DAY.

It worries me. When a man, or women, we fancy doesn’t return affection in the way we think they should- we immediately assume there’s something wrong with us. Just because a guy doesn’t ask me out, it doesn’t mean I’m ugly, fat, or terrible in some way. Just because a girl doesn’t bat her eyes at you, doesn’t mean you’re weak, or undesirable. Why can’t we (this definitely includes myself) just realize that he/she doesn’t know you like them, and he/she likes another he/she, but yet another he/she likes you! It’s all scrambled and confusing, but it will all work out as it should!

And girls- we do things that screw it all up too. Like constantly surrounding each other in a swarm of girls- how can any guy get in, if we don’t leave any open seats at the table for them?!

 

I guess we’ll never understand each other, we women and men. 

A dear, dear friend of mine, Emily, says of men, “Yjnhyhbbgfhgbhgtfhbgtg….what does that mean…it’s what I hear when men speak.”

My dear cousin Anne, said of the lovable brutes, “kdj;lfngj;lkgsda;lfkadj….or at least that is what men hear."

And another thing, when you ask your married friends, “How do you do it, how do you date?” They may answer, “Oh well you just have to do this…or that…” But the reality is, they were in the same position we single folk are in currently. They were worried about the same things. They were fretting over misunderstandings and whining about the lack of dates. And then one day, it changed. They met the right person, at the right time- and it worked out.

The point is- we’re all confused. Give the beasts a chance. Everything is usually misunderstanding.