Since my decision to stop attending
the LDS church, several people have asked how I think my father or my pioneer
ancestors would feel about my debaucherous
new lifestyle. Well, here you go.
In general I can only hope, and
assume, that they would still love me and respect me.
When my father decided to join the
LDS church his parents were heartbroken.
They gave him a small cardboard baby coffin, as if to say, you’re dead to us.
They did not attend my parents wedding (they couldn’t), or my parents reception
and other wedding festivities. Until my grandparents dying years, they fanned
anti-church literature in my father’s face at every visit.
I’m pretty sure that my father just
wanted was to live in a way that he thought was right. I think he just felt so
strongly that the church was true and, while I’m sure a large part of him
wanted his parents to join the church (first principles of the church), he
probably just wanted them to love and support his decisions because he felt the
church made him happy (and I would certainly say that the church and its
accompanying life style did help my father to have a more fulfilling and happy
life).
I would hope that in the same way
that my father wanted to be loved unconditionally, supported in what he felt
was right and in what he felt would make him happy and respected regardless
of/for his beliefs, he would afford me just what he wanted so dearly from his
loved ones.
I think of my wonderful Uncle Rick
Smith- after he read my blog post about my father’s conversion to the LDS
church he simply said that the choice my father made was the right choice for
him. My uncle knew the church made my father happy, and even though my uncle
doesn’t believe in the church, he supported him. I suppose that’s what I’m
looking for.
I hold no bitterness towards the
church or my loved ones who believe in it so fervently. I don’t seek to tear
down the church, or dissuade members from believing. Honestly, I feel
uncomfortable when people try to push the church on me (that twinkle in their eye
when they think I’m finally returning to my senses), and I wouldn’t want to
create that feeling in somebody else who is possibly questioning the church. I
think people should pray with a “sincere heart” and all that jazz in regards to
their moral code and beliefs, and then make their own choice- AND THEN I think
people should love and respect their choice. It’s a personal choice, not up for
vote or popular opinion- and so far as I know, even the LDS scriptures and
leaders would agree with me here.
My pioneer ancestors crossed the
plains in search of a place where they could live and believe as they pleased.
The general populace thought they were a strange people and went to horrible
lengths to make them renounce what they believed to be true. I can only hope
that those pioneers, and most especially Joseph Smith, would respect someone
who had different opinions on religion.
My great-great- great-great-great
grandmother, Lucy Diantha Morley was fired from her job, pillaged, a driven
from her home and comforts to the harsh land of Utah, where she built a BAD-A
life believing as she wanted. HECK YES, I still love and respect her. Heck yes,
I still feel connected to my faithful ancestors and relatives. We’re all just trying to do what we feel is
best, and live our lives in a way that correlates with our beliefs. Just like
my father, I can only hope that Lucy D.M. would love a respect me, regardless
of my attendance and belief in her church.
I know it’s hard. Things seem so
black and white, and I suppose they are, but that doesn't mean we have to be at
odds with one another. I think if we all just take a step back and look at the
fundamentals, things could be pretty swell. You want freedom of religion, and
so do I. You want to live and believe as you please, and so do I.
I know my father wasn't perfect,
but I loved him and I can only assume he would still be proud of me. He would
see that I haven’t made any of my decisions lightly. He would see how
passionately I have sought answers, and he would love the person I am today.
P.S. Did anyone catch my Imogen Heap reference?
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