My Positive Experience Leaving the LDS Church

While going through my Facebook feed I was overwhelmed with posts and comments about Kate and John, two LDS members who face possible excommunication from the LDS church (Here's an article about it in the SL Tribune: Click this link, and one in the NY Times: Click this link). This post is a doozy, but I'll tell you what- I've made every attempt to remain positive and to be kind to both the LDS church and it's members, and to those who have dissented, and I think I've been successful! And I love the word and...andandand.

Well anyway, my FB surfing led to this article by a woman who used to be LDS, but was excommunicated. Now, I typically don't read a lot of articles or posts like that. I think that if you don't want the Church to be a part of your life, you should leave it be- that being said it's pretty hard to escape it. It's all around me and an important part of the lives of many who I love. Even if I have chosen to leave it behind, it will still continue to be a part of my life. But as I said, I generally don't seek out stories from disgruntled members and ex-members. I look for understanding and positive accounts if I look at all. I talk to friends and prefer first hand accounts. I want to hear different points of view, but I don't care to hear anyone tear other people or their beliefs down (that kind of thing happens on both sides).

I enjoyed these posts. Not because I think everyone or anyone needs to leave the church, but because it offered an interesting viewpoint and enlightening parallels for me. I don't necessarily recommend that everyone reads them. I definitely think they would be upsetting to many, and unfortunately her posts become increasingly bitter (understandably so) and weak because she begins to writhe and swat at one person (the evil bishop), rather than continue her story about leaving the church (here's her blog).

Reading her posts inspired me to write more about my experience- I'm told I have a rare and fortunate one. I have had what I consider loving and kind treatment from friends and family and a fantastic bishop who helped me figure out what I wanted and believed. I even went to my singles ward HE this Monday and the bishop made a joke about my leaving- it was friendly and hilarious. Like I said, I know that I apparently have a rare and blessed experience and an amazing bishop. I've heard a lot of stories (first and second hand) from people I love and trust that didn't have such fortunate experiences. 

When I was questioning things in the Church I pretty immediately went to my bishop. He is a kind, intelligent, and loving man. I've pretty much always had positive experiences with bishops, and consequently I've always had a pretty easy time trusting my bishops. I had also always had a clean slate- I never had to confess anything to my bishop, which I'm sure further protected me from any negative associations with my leadership. I hope that I've remembered our conversations correctly and haven't skewed anything he's said. I didn't take a tape recorder in, and I recognize that I could have heard what I wanted to hear- that being said, I'll continue.

My bishop is a lawyer and I think perhaps his mind works like mine. When I face a question I immediately begin to argue it from both sides of the fence in my mind. I remember in one of our meetings, there were only about four by the way, he said I'd make a good lawyer because I was able to refute pretty much any of the answers he gave me. I felt safe and I felt like he understood that I wasn't trying to be argumentative or Korihor things up- I was just trying to figure things out for myself. 

So, I asked to meet with my bishop and I shared my doubts, concerns and fears with him. He listened (really listened) and gave insights, answers, "arguments," and opinions as we went. I felt that he didn't brush me off as an apostate or as an idiot who was caught up with the wiles and tricks of the devil. I felt that he listened to what I had to say and gave my questions real thought and care. I felt that he respected me and loved me. Perhaps he thinks one day I'll "wise up" and return, or perhaps he does think me a fool- but I remain convinced his kindness is genuine. 

I met with him several times before finally telling him that I didn't intend on returning. First I asked to be released from my calling- I was a RS teacher and felt it unwise to continue because I might say things that weren't in-line with church teachings. In the course of our meetings I also returned my temple recommend and let my bishop know that I wasn't interested in attending church meetings. Near the end he said that I just needed to do what would make me happy. He said to worry about being happy and worry about the rest later.

A few weeks, or more (idk...lol..winky face...kittens), he texted me and asked to meet again. Because I felt safe and supported doing so, I returned for a visit. He just wanted to check in and see how I felt about things. I said I felt good about my choices and didn't want to return. I said I felt positive about my experience, but in the end I didn't believe in or wish to attend the church anymore. He was warm and kind, and reminded me that I was always welcome and would be missed. A few months later when my brother died I got a call from him- he was kind and I appreciated the call greatly.

In the months following I have attended Home Evening a few times, usually when I thought there would be volleyball or free food. I have enjoyed it sometimes and hated it others, but my ward members were always kind and welcoming. I'm still good friends with ward leaders and active members and I support their choice to attend church. I asked my RS Pres (she's also my friend- I hear there's a new RS presidency now) to not send me a visiting teacher, but the little sneaks assigned a friend of mine and I had a change of heart. My visiting teacher doesn't pray or leave a spiritual messages, and she is a good friend, so I'll let my conspiracy theory thoughts rest and enjoy the good times, haha. 

I suppose there are a lot of differences between me and the woman who wrote those posts about leaving the LDS church. I didn't feel anger and so I didn't want to leave in a negative way. I talked to my bishop and family and friends before I posted online. I can understand her anger, and I have to wonder if I would have behaved similarly if I had been in her situation. Leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I didn't have kids or a husband to consider. I didn't really experience any offenses or hurtful things at church before I left. I didn't leave because I read something upsetting about Joseph Smith. I didn't leave because someone in my ward was mean to me or someone I cared about. Certainly I had concerns about the behavior or some members and their behavior towards others in the church generally, but I wouldn't say that was why I left the church. 

Okay. At this point I realize I'm sounding like a real dickweed. I'm not trying to belittle anyone or suggest that people shouldn't share their negative experiences or vent their frustrations. I just wanted to share my positive experience. It seems that the negative voices will always shout louder than the positive ones. Murders will always beat out cute raccoon and cats being friends on the news (seriously though, THIS SHOULD BE ON ALL THE TV STATIONS...It's an EFFING CUTENESS EPIDEMIC!!!). I guess this post is my religious raccoon kitten palooza. 

I know my disbelief has caused a lot of sadness to people I love, but they've treated me so well! There will always be those who respond to things in a less than "Christlike" way, but there will always be those who respond in a totally amazing way. We're all just trying to figure this life thing out. None of us are perfect and while we might prick and hurt each other, I'd like to assume that most of us just want to be good and share good. 

Oh yeah, in case you're wondering- I've not been faced with excommunication and for the time being feel no need or pressure to sever my official/on paper ties with the Mormon church.

Pt. 1: http://lauraconsistentlyinconsistent.blogspot.com/2013/09/lauras-process-of-becoming-pt-1-i-dont.html

Pt. 2: http://lauraconsistentlyinconsistent.blogspot.com/2013/12/lauras-process-of-becoming-pt-2.html

Pt. 3: http://lauraconsistentlyinconsistent.blogspot.com/2014/05/lauras-process-of-becoming-pt-3.html http://lauraconsistentlyinconsistent.blogspot.com/2013/12/lauras-process-of-becoming-pt-2.html

Umm What Ya Say: Faith and Respect

Since my decision to stop attending the LDS church, several people have asked how I think my father or my pioneer ancestors would feel about my debaucherous new lifestyle. Well, here you go.

In general I can only hope, and assume, that they would still love me and respect me.

When my father decided to join the LDS church his parents were heartbroken. They gave him a small cardboard baby coffin, as if to say, you’re dead to us. They did not attend my parents wedding (they couldn’t), or my parents reception and other wedding festivities. Until my grandparents dying years, they fanned anti-church literature in my father’s face at every visit.

I’m pretty sure that my father just wanted was to live in a way that he thought was right. I think he just felt so strongly that the church was true and, while I’m sure a large part of him wanted his parents to join the church (first principles of the church), he probably just wanted them to love and support his decisions because he felt the church made him happy (and I would certainly say that the church and its accompanying life style did help my father to have a more fulfilling and happy life).

I would hope that in the same way that my father wanted to be loved unconditionally, supported in what he felt was right and in what he felt would make him happy and respected regardless of/for his beliefs, he would afford me just what he wanted so dearly from his loved ones.

I think of my wonderful Uncle Rick Smith- after he read my blog post about my father’s conversion to the LDS church he simply said that the choice my father made was the right choice for him. My uncle knew the church made my father happy, and even though my uncle doesn’t believe in the church, he supported him. I suppose that’s what I’m looking for.

I hold no bitterness towards the church or my loved ones who believe in it so fervently. I don’t seek to tear down the church, or dissuade members from believing. Honestly, I feel uncomfortable when people try to push the church on me (that twinkle in their eye when they think I’m finally returning to my senses), and I wouldn’t want to create that feeling in somebody else who is possibly questioning the church. I think people should pray with a “sincere heart” and all that jazz in regards to their moral code and beliefs, and then make their own choice- AND THEN I think people should love and respect their choice. It’s a personal choice, not up for vote or popular opinion- and so far as I know, even the LDS scriptures and leaders would agree with me here.

My pioneer ancestors crossed the plains in search of a place where they could live and believe as they pleased. The general populace thought they were a strange people and went to horrible lengths to make them renounce what they believed to be true. I can only hope that those pioneers, and most especially Joseph Smith, would respect someone who had different opinions on religion.

My great-great- great-great-great grandmother, Lucy Diantha Morley was fired from her job, pillaged, a driven from her home and comforts to the harsh land of Utah, where she built a BAD-A life believing as she wanted. HECK YES, I still love and respect her. Heck yes, I still feel connected to my faithful ancestors and relatives.  We’re all just trying to do what we feel is best, and live our lives in a way that correlates with our beliefs. Just like my father, I can only hope that Lucy D.M. would love a respect me, regardless of my attendance and belief in her church.

I know it’s hard. Things seem so black and white, and I suppose they are, but that doesn't mean we have to be at odds with one another. I think if we all just take a step back and look at the fundamentals, things could be pretty swell. You want freedom of religion, and so do I. You want to live and believe as you please, and so do I.

I know my father wasn't perfect, but I loved him and I can only assume he would still be proud of me. He would see that I haven’t made any of my decisions lightly. He would see how passionately I have sought answers, and he would love the person I am today. 

P.S. Did anyone catch my Imogen Heap reference?

Contradictions

I just don't get it. Racist Mormons and Christians. Priests burning holy religious scripts. The KKK. Eugenics. Nazis. Skinheads...you all hate each other...but I don't know if you've noticed...if you changed a few characters and key words in you're beliefs...you could all just form a new group and get along just fine, hating and killing innocent together...what fun.

When other people act like idiots, a magic buzzer doesn't go off in the universe giving you permission to act like an idiot. When other people do unChristian things, it doesn't mean you should, or are suddenly "allowed," to do unChristian things.

Just because you lump everyone from one faith (Muslim) into a group (terrorists), and some terrorists do bad things, it doesn't mean God suddenly wants you to burn holy scripture. I don't care if it's not your holy, it's someones holy.

 The news about a Christian preacher burning Qurans on September 11 made me so sad. There's no other way to put it.

God loves us. God loves all of His children. He loves His children from every time in the history of the world. He loves His children from every country and in every religion. 

2 Nephi 26:33 "For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile."  

"Racism is an offense against God and a tool in the devil’s hands...The promises and challenges of a new millennium remind us of the continuing urgency for the human family to accept and live the Apostle Paul’s prescient pronouncement that all men and women everywhere are God’s beloved children. To the Athenians, Paul said God “hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth” (Acts 17:26)...How grateful I am that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has from its beginnings stood strongly against racism in any of its malignant manifestations. President Spencer W. Kimball stated the Church’s position well: “We do wish that there would be no racial prejudice. … Racial prejudice is of the devil. … There is no place for it in the gospel of Jesus Christ” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 236–37). The Prophet Joseph Smith, who experienced more than his share of intolerance and prejudice, understood the importance of caring for, respecting, and helping others, even those we don’t agree with. Speaking of the need to provide temporal assistance to others, the Prophet explained that a member of the Church “is to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to provide for the widow, to dry up the tear of the orphan, to comfort the afflicted, whether in this church, or in any other, or in no church at all, wherever he finds them” (Times and Seasons, 15 Mar. 1842, 732)."

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=006ca1615ac0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

I suggest watching this whole video, but if you don't want to watch it all, at least skip to 2:45:

 

Here's a good link for the LDS stance on religious freedom: http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/public-issues/religious-freedom

 Seriously- just love. When people ask questions about politics, war, homosexuality, abortion...just to get an argument out of you...answer with love. Answer love. I don't know all of the details. I don't know how everything works, or how things will work out in the eternities. I do however know this- God loves us all. Black, white, Muslim, Islamic, Jewish, Jane, Wicken, Mormon, man, woman, gay, atheist, Mexican, sinners, saints- ALL OF US. God loves everyone and everything He created.

 

Note: I was feeling very angry about all of this...racism amongst fellow Christians, hatred, ignorance...initially I wrote a lot of negative things...but I deleted them. I hope that the overall feeling of this blog entry was a good one. I don't like the idea of returning negative for negative...while I think it's appropriate to vent here and there, why should I ooze my sad on you? 

So...LOVE.