I'm Sorry My Chest Isn't Smaller.

Lately I've been getting more attention from men- some good, some bad, and some horrible.

Last weekend I was telling a friend about it and I said something that really troubled me later when I thought about it. I said, "I don't know, I must be doing something to get all of this negative attention. Maybe it's the way I dress?"

Good job, way to smack yourself with a hefty dose of rape culture mentality. I am in charge of me and other people are in charge of themselves. I'm not responsible for the behavior of someone else or their thoughts. Unless I decide to participate in pornographic films or pictures, I don't create pornography in any one's mind.

Suggesting it's my fault for the negative attention I've received from men lately is a slippery slope. Next it's my fault because a man makes inappropriate gestures at me (that happened last weekend in Salt Lake when I was waiting for Trax). Then if a man attacks me or rapes me will that be my fault too. NOPE.

People have the freedom to choose as they will. That man who made offensive gestures at me could have just as easily left me alone, waved and smiled, paid me a nice compliment, or goodness- just whistled like all of the others. If someone rapes someone else or does something terrible, it's their choice and never the fault of the victim.

I don't care if some girl (or guy) wears nothing but panties and pasties and then wanders down a dark alley- if she's raped it's not because "she was asking for it," or any other horrible excuse people want to toss out to put the blame on the victim, it's simply and only the fault of the perpetrator. I don't care if she's drunk, high, naked, or "easy." Rape is the fault of the rapist alone. Blame society or the victim or whatever all you want, but in the end it's simply the fault of the rapist.

Now, there's a thin line between being smart and slut-shaming. Buh-doy, don't wear panties and pasties and wander down a dark alley! I wish we lived in a world where people wouldn't have to worry about being raped, but we don't and I think we should be smart and safe. It's hard to find that line though. Some things I wear offend some and seem mild to others. But a woman could wear a fluffy pillow pantsuit that makes her look like a blob and still be raped.

The other day I was reading a graphic novel, Ghost World (Daniel Clowes), and there was this one part that got me thinking about all of this (It does quite graphically discuss breasts, so you've been warned):

That little nugget reminded me of some show about Jessica Simpson, like the true Hollywood story or something, that I watched a long time ago. They said she started out in the Christian music market and that she wanted to do that because her dad was a pastor or something. Apparently the Christian music world said she was too sexy. She would wear turtlenecks and junk, but apparently her figure was just too sexual and so she moved on to the pop music world.

In time Jessica definitely put out more sexy music and videos, and wore more "sexual" clothing. I think it's probably easy to say Jessica is some sort of ho-bag, or some other sort of slut-shame moniker, but really I see it more like she was forced into it. I realize it was her choice (and maybe her parents) to enter the entertainment business, but let's not pick at the semantics- you get the idea, right?

It's like Scarlett Johansson (who stared in the movie version of Ghost World)- she's always cast as a super sexy character. Well buh-doy, she's super sexy! But what if Scarlett wants more? I used to hate her because in almost every role she was the other women, the temptress, etc. etc. It's gotta be a blessing and a curse. I mean, it's probably nice being called the sexiest woman alive a few years in a row, but what if Scarlett wants to play a character that isn't all about her sexy body?

When you look at this picture it seems so innocent and cute, right?

But if Scarlett wore it, it would be slutty? So really, it's not the outfit, it's the body? So if you have curves, you should be ashamed and cover up?

I don't know. I get how the world works and survival of the fittest, sex and all that, but it can be pretty confusing. On the one hand I just want to wear what I want, but some days I'm not sure it's worth the cat-calls and obscene gestures. I hate that I sometimes wish I was a flat chested and straight-hipped woman. I love my curves and I'm glad to have them, but sometimes I wish people were a little more...evolved.