I guess that's something to talk about. Why am I talking about thoughts, and not experiences. For months I've been looking forward to spring break. I had big plans. Hiking, camping, rock climbing, and helping my grandma finish typing and editing her personal history. Instead I mostly slept and watched TV. Meh.
I have not been taking proper care of myself. I haven't been getting enough sleep, I haven't been exercising, I haven't been eating properly and where has it landed me? Being sick for two weeks! It's like a coma! I'm awake but I can't do the things I want to do. But as always, trial can provide lessons and I'd say this comparably brief and annoying illness has provided some very important ones in regard my treatment of life, my health, and myself.
There were a lot of other things I wanted to do, and then the dangerous part set in. I accomplished some of those goals and I think I started to feel a little too accomplished a little too soon. Somewhere in my mind I felt like, I'm a pretty good hiker and I can technically I skydive now, so I'm done...? Wrong.
This week has reminded me that there are a lot more things I want to do and be in all truth, I cannot do and be them as I am now. I want to be fully converted to living healthy and while I think that includes times of less than healthy living, I don't want any of those much needed mental and physical rests to turn into unhealthy life styles. I don't want to wake up suddenly back to my prior weight, like a frog slowly boiled to death (if you're a Mormon or ever were you should most definitely understand that reference).
So these last two weeks have sucked in that I've spent a lot of time in bed would I would have rather been at work or out in the desert streaking, but like I said I've gleaned the lesson and I'm ready to move on. And finally, FINALLY I woke up feeling better!
Okay, next...dreams! I've had some very interesting dreams this week. Maybe it was all of the physically lazy, mentally active introspection...or maybe it was the NyQuil, but I've had a few memorable dreams this week. Okay, one night I watched Russia's Toughest Prisons and woke up horrified I was going to be eaten by a Russian cannibal, and that was pretty interesting, but my other dreams not only offered interest, but also lessons.
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| This is him, the Russian cannibal! |
In one dream the world was ending and everything was consumed in lava! I can still remember a lot of interesting details, but I don't feel I should elaborate online. It certainly got interesting though, including some interesting post apocalyptic resurrection stuff. I do not feel this was a dream telling me how the world would end, especially considering that as my grandma pointed out, that sort of Earth cleansing is more of a post millennium thing, but rather the dream left me with a feeling of comfort regarding some other concerns I have. Interesting and educational- GOOD DREAM.
Dream par deux, I had a funny dream that was surely a product of sub-conscience gumbo, in which I married this guy I know and I was scared that he would be the mission president in this certain country I have no interest in residing at. Silly, but interesting. I woke up thinking about it as if it were an actual and viable reality that I had to consider and in the end I knew I would go anywhere The Lord would have me go...especially if it was with this particular dream boat of a dream spouse. Holy sweet space beans, he is my Adonis! Anyway.
Oh! One night this week I dreamt that this guy in my singles ward, Neil, put on a huge musical in the gym. There was a giant spinning 10-person piano, a lot of costumed special needs cast members, and he was wearing a sort of Peter Pan/Adam and Eve costume...but goodness, he could sing!
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| Not the right costume, but too entertaining to pass up |
Last dream. In real life I was staying at my surrogate family's house for the night, ironically in my old HS crush's bedroom. A love poem I wrote him when I was 16 was by the bed and I couldn't help but think about what it would have meant to me 10 years ago...and then I promptly fell asleep because it doesn't mean much of anything to me now, haha. Anyway...I dreamt that I was staying in their house, but everything was Victorian and Edwardian. I looooooooove Victorian and Edwardian style! It was a strange and disconnected dream, but it was a beautiful dream. I had the most glorious hair, my goal hair! My hair was growing in the garden as I lay amongst the roses. It was long and curly like Helena Bonham Carter circa A Room with a View, glory be! And I had the most glorious, albeit cumbersome, dress on! At one point I was in a grocery store with Alex and Shelly with this young folk singer, and we were singing early Dylan. It all makes sense. Above Alex's bed is a picture of an old Paradise Lost, illustrated by Gustave Dore (actually I have a first edition copy of it at home), and Paradise Lost always makes me feel Victorian/Edwardian or ornamental and old fashioned. In the corner is an electric guitar- add in our love for Dylan and you've got us singing Dylan while Alex plays that particular guitar in a grocery store...yesterday I got a hair cut, a sad chore for me because I feel like my hair will never be my goal length. I put rose lotion at night...see, more sub-conscience gumbo.
Okay, let's see...well, there is one more thing I can sort of talk about. Recently I've realized there was something I'm missing in my life and I couldn't figure it out. It bothered me and dragged me down, but it was a mystery. Luckily I figured out, with the help of some friends, some art, some outdoors, and some religion, what it was that I feel I am missing. Though I see no quick end in sight, knowing what the problem is helps me stay afloat. I feel like its a good thing to be missing, for the time being, because when it comes back I better sure as Helsinki appreciate it. Wait...I've just realized this sound weird...like I'm missing something personal or physical....like my period! I'm not...it's just something personal in a this blog is public sort of way...ehhh, that didn't help...whatever...stoic....ohhhhh....insert ominous sound affects here....
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| Insert random picture here. Actually this is a sort of preview of a post to come. |
Well, that's life. Okay, not at all. That's nonsensical bits and pieces of my brain....here are some currents:
Reads- Superman: Red Son, Born to Run, Beautiful Creatures, book 2
Music- I've become a Fleet Foxes whore. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club have a new CD, Purity Ring, My December NonBiz mix on Spotify, oh, my Mogwai mix for sure!
Projects at school- Portraits and still life's, Ocean Week (I'm going to catch fish and let the kids use them as stamps! I'm also decorating my classroom like the ocean), portfolios, and more!
Looking forward to- Some of my best college friends visiting me! Camp this Summer! My birthday party and Arrested Development on Netflix, trying to squeeze in a few more shows before Camp
Dreading- Anything having to do with my Masters
Goals- Exercise, healthy eating, sleep by 10:30 on weekdays, finish the damn curriculum project that's been the bane of my existence for too long!
Posts I should post in the future...
The multiverse and the Atonement. The Hobbit and the Gospel. Swearing. Looking past the temple and seeing the hair (obviously I would explain what that even means). Things that inspire my creativity. Super heroes and villains.
Peace!
