As of late

I really don't know where to start. I've thought of a lot of different posts ideas lately, but I haven't written any...I guess I should start with some updates and see where it takes me.

First of all, I'm not going to be homeless! This whole experience has been such a testimony builder for me! God loves me and is aware of my struggles. Here is the story, well some of it.

 I've kinda felt that I should move for about 6 months now. It's weird because I love my house, I love my roommate, Jernae. Seriously, Jernae is the best roommate I have ever had. I love my singles ward. I didn't really want to move.

Seriously, I love this place! It's pretty great for parties! And just look at Jernaedle, love her!

About a month and a half ago I was having some drama and I was venting to Anne. In the midst of my vent I said, "I have to move!" (See what I was saying about leaving some of the story out?)
Right when I said it, I knew it was true. It was a feeling of instant calm, knowledge, and peace. Sure, over the course of the following month I felt anxiety galore, fear, and apprehension- but I always knew what I needed to do. I always knew that God wanted me to move. But where, when, how!?

Even though I knew I needed to move, I didn't know where, when, or how!

It was kind of awful having people ask me where, when, and why I was moving. It felt like people thought it was Jernae. NOPE. It felt like people thought I felt anything but love for my singles ward. NOPE (Well, okay I felt something other than love for my recently acquired army of lovestruck boys in my singles ward, shudder...I'll get to that later). It was weird to say something like, "God wants me to move."

 

Regardless of how stressful things got, how worried I was that I would never find the right place, I forged on! I still knew that I needed to move, and I felt confident that I would have that same feeling of sure knowledge when I found my new home. I looked at a few places, maybe like 5, I don't remember. Every time it didn't feel right.

 

I didn't want to move into a fancy place that was tiny. If I had to choose I knew that I wanted somewhere that was larger, even if it meant a bit more ghetto. And so I searched and searched. It was hard telling people that their place wasn't right for me, because it was difficult to explain something so personal (and now I'm blogging about it? Haha).

 

Pretty soon things took a turn for the inconvenient, but blessed. I found two new tenants for my beloved current residence, which meant I needed to be out soon! I always knew I would have a place to stay with my cousins, but honestly I kind of dreaded the extra 20 minute commute to work at 7 am...shudder.

 

So many happy memories and good times in this house!

Miracle-ish #1: House sitting! I was explaining my predicament to the Relief Society Advisor in my ward and we discovered that we could help each other out! She and her family were heading off to Peru and needed someone to watch their house, and I needed a place in town to stay! Solution!

 

Miracle #2: I found a place! It was the morning after the ward camp out. I went to bed at about 3 am, and didn't get much of any sleep after that. I was trying to take a nap. I was failing. I got a text from somebody I had contacted a few days prior about seeing an apartment the following week. I was somewhat apprehensive because of the location and ward it was in, but when she texted me I felt good about it...She texted me and said she was in town for the next 30 minutes and wanted to know if I could stop by just then. I said sure and drove down the road (it's like 2 miles away, maybe less, from my prior residence). Right when I got there I knew it was the place. I FELT IT. When she showed me the room I loved it. When she told me about the roommates I got excited(one went to SVU! One is an RM, and the other seems to just work a lot, a lot)! Location be damned, this is the place.

Here are some pictures:

The room is nice and big! One regular sized closet, and..

a Harry Potter closet!

Don't worry, I will be painting it a lovely pale blue!

 So, who knows why I needed to move, or what will happen, but for now things are going well! I probably could say more, but I'm running out of posting steam here! The main point is that God loves us! He is aware of our needs, even if we aren't, and our desires! It was ironic that I've been studying in Numbers because I have definitely felt like those stinking children of Israel a lot lately. God shows them His love and miracles! The manna! The quail! The stinking cloud of fire and brass serpent! But then two seconds later they forget! God has shown me in so many ways this summer that He is looking out for me, and how soon do I forget! Things will work out for my best, have faith Laura!

Other updates:

A new school year has started and so far it has been great! I love OPA, and I'm excited for the new year!
I quit my job at Jo-Ann, the managment was horrendous and I hated it.
New favorite blog: http://localsarepainting.com/
I lost another 10 lbs. this summer, so that's cool!
Twice this week I went on bike rides with hills that I didn't think I could conquer. On both rides I killed the hills and didn't have to walk any of them!

Okay, I am going to wrap up with one more blip. Men...ugggh. It's funny, my whole life I've never really had a lot of men vying for my attention. Most of the time, as you can tell by my blog, men want to be my friend...and that's it. Well I guess things are changing, because now the creepers want more. Shudder.
Currently, to the best of my knowledge, 3-6 men have crushes on me. It's awful. It's awful because I am not interested in any of them. Okay, if any 1 of the not-as-creepy 3 asked me out I would say yes, but the remaining 3- CREEP FACTOR THREE BILLION. LEAVE ME ALONE! Leering, never okay. Facebook stalking, do a better job at concealing it. Creepy comments in general, stop- leave them to me.

But I guess I can't blame the poor saps, who could resist this. I guess that's love and that's life. You finally get some attention from the opposite sex, and you find yourself pining for the days of invisibility.
And now I will wrap it up with unorganized mind-vomit.

It's been frustrating, life. It's hard to like someone and not get anything in return. This summer I have really been struggling with my self esteem. It seems like such a contradiction. I'm losing weight, men are attracted to me (apparently), and I have splendid friends, but it's always back and forth. Am I worth it? Am I good enough for..well, am I just good enough? Am i accomplished enough? Am I lovable? Do I deserve love? Will I ever not suck at being financial independent and stable? Do I cause drama, or does it just have a way of finding us all? Do some certain...men...people think I'm a creeper out to stalk them, or do I not even show up on their radar? When I lose the rest of my goal weight will I be a nasty sack of excess skin? What is the point of marriage? Everyone just leaves you! So many people are getting a divorce because one day their spouse just seems to wake up a decide they don't want to be married in the temple. What if that happens to me? What if I find out I kinda hate my spouse 6 months in? What if someone breaks into this big house tonight, and they freaking kill me?! What if all of my hair falls our and I start larping? That's all. Enjoy the music.