The point is- we’re all confused. Give the beasts a chance. Everything is usually misunderstanding.

Well here we are again, circling the stairs in the Notre Dame. For this post I thought I would seek some wisdom from myself. So here we go, quotes from previous posts that apply to my life right now. Think of this post as one of those flashback-filler episodes that sitcoms do. Also, I'm going to illustrate it with pictures of hot people.

Can I get a witness?

"It's happened before and I feel like I'm going up and down the stairs of the Notre dame, repeating the same thing over and over like a nightmare. I switch back and forth and I feel like David Bowie before he got with Iman, I mean pick a sexual orientation Bowie! Pick an emotion Laura!"

Love love love. Or more specifically, dating.

"I don't understand much about men, but I do know this- It takes two to tango, it goes both ways, and non of us are innocent. Men are idiots, but so are women. Women are scared and confused, but so are men."

"That’s my pattern though. I meet a guy. I like a guy. We become great friends. He thinks I’m amazing, “great people” (I SO relate with Queen Latifah’s character in Just Wright), he loves me, but doesn’t love me (it’s like my excess of fans, when all I really want is friends). The problem with guys friends who I want to be more than friends, is that it makes me feel like I’m in a hole, a rigid pattern, that I’ll never escape. He’ll tell me his thoughts and secrets, I’ll get close, and then one day he’ll tell me about the girl he like likes, the girl that’s not me."

"So here’s the thing, this blog was initially going to be very different. It was, and now will be, about giving men a break. I think women love to blame men for all of the relationship problems in the world, and men love to blame women. But the reality is that it’s hard for everyone. Women are afraid of being shutdown and of not being asked out, dated, and loved. But men have to do the asking! And guess what, they’re definitely afraid of being shutdown, turned down, and not being loved. I used to say, “Men need to grow a pair and ask girls out!” Or, “It’s not like a lot of girls say, ‘No;’ guys just need to ask the right girls out, I wouldn’t say no.” But I’ve come to realize, girls say no to guys all of the time- and not just the creepers, girls turn down guys all the time (and most likely for the same bogus reasons guys aren’t asking more girls out)."

Day 14: SUPER AMAZING!

"You know, something I'm discovering is that if you want to be attractive, you have to act attractive. Don't complain about your life, your face, your body, your anything! Life is beautiful and wonderful and all of those crap days make the small good things BIG good things. No one wants a Debbie Downer- I'm talking to you girl who would hopefully never read my blog ;) Bwahahaha! Besides the benefit of being attractive to others when you behave attractive, you become more attractive to yourself! And as awful as it may sound, hearing a certain girl complain about herself has made me realize how much I love me! Not because I take joy in her pain, but because it makes me think about the whole self esteem canoli. I love Laura, Lora, Lara, Lawra…whoever I am!"

"So what do I love about me, me. All of it. I love my frizzy hair and my big nose. I love my blue eyes and my wonderful toes. I love that I don’t ever bruise, but I scar like a mink is minky. I love that I laugh at awkward moments. I love that I create awkward moments all the time! I love that my roommate just got engaged and I’m about to cry for joy because I’m so happy for her- and I’ve only known her for about a month. I love that every time I walk by the swing in my front yard (no matter the temperature or weather) I want to hop on and watch the cars go by. I love that I have my nana and grandmother’s names. I love that I am me."

All you *want* is love.

 "But then I worry, what if I'm like Henry Crawford from Mansfield Park, and I'm more interested in being loved than I am in loving someone. Like those girls who are more interested in being married, than they are in the particular man. WAH!!! But then I have a night like tonight. A night where I'm super pensive and calm, but not with the sad bits. Happy pensive. Thoughts bounce around in my head and leave me feeling that all is right in the world and ever will be. Thoughts that tell me I don't have to settle for a sports obsessed Mack daddy who doesn't know anything about science, good music, or art. Thoughts that reassure me that I'm just as excited about giving love as I am about receiving it- after all, the greatest joy in life comes in serving others."

"Sure I care about the reception, I admit, I've already planned out how to incorporate Star Wars in the floral arrangements. But that's all phooey. I want a man who feels the way Jude felt in Across the Universe when he met Lucy. I want a man who feels the way Paul McCartney felt when he wrote the song. And on the flip side I want to hear, "I just died in your arms tonight," when I meet him (P.s. If I hear a Minnie Ripperton song in my head when I think about "him" it's just as good as "I just died in your arms tonight."). I know some love starts without a fizzle, but I don't think you should marry someone who doesn't eventually make your heart fizzle. I'm not talking about love at first sight, I'm just talking about love at *sometime before the engagement* sight. They should be piss drunk in love with you, and you with them. No one should have to talk the someone into loving them. He should think I crap sunshine and spit glitter. I know I've posted similar things to this in the past, but I just can't help but think it, and think it, and think it."

Just keep swimming...more like kick the crap out the water until it's a bloody pulp!

"A Spanish proverb states, "Where there is love, there is pain." Or in lay man's terms, "Love stinks."

Okay, well let's face it...I'm not in love, nowhere near it. I've never been, not really. I was in like, and that like was mushed real bad. And I want to point out that this post is not directed toward any one girl or guy in any way! It's not about the specifics, it's about the patterns and the situations. I'm not mad at someone, I'm mad at romance.  It seems to be a pattern."

"Love me more than ever. Love men too. I need to be myself to the max! I shouldn't have to change for a man in the beginning. I can see making changes or whatever in marriage, but in the early stages he should think magic stars spout from my eyes and rainbow-magic music pours from my lips. I should think he's the shiz, and I should most definitely think to myself, "I would have to explain his being ugly to people." It's time to revamp and remember to exercise for me, eat healthy for me, go to bed earlier, work harder, do things I actually love- as opposed to just doing things, and think happy thoughts! He should think my hair is flaxen star-shine and my body is a Venus, and so should I! 

Venus, goddess of love!

So I should love myself, but I should also love men. I've loved men for as long as I can remember. Just because a lot of them seem to be d-bags and idiots, doesn't mean I should resent, dislike, or even hate them. Guess what? There are a lot of d-bag and idiot women, and sometimes I fit the description. Hating men won't solve any problems, and well, I just love men!"

So yeah. This is why I journal. This is why i blog. I want to share with others and perhaps help them, but really I have to write things down for myself! Hopefully these post tidbits will help or entertain somebody besides me. If not, too bad suckas, because I feel better!