My Positive Experience Leaving the LDS Church

While going through my Facebook feed I was overwhelmed with posts and comments about Kate and John, two LDS members who face possible excommunication from the LDS church (Here's an article about it in the SL Tribune: Click this link, and one in the NY Times: Click this link). This post is a doozy, but I'll tell you what- I've made every attempt to remain positive and to be kind to both the LDS church and it's members, and to those who have dissented, and I think I've been successful! And I love the word and...andandand.

Well anyway, my FB surfing led to this article by a woman who used to be LDS, but was excommunicated. Now, I typically don't read a lot of articles or posts like that. I think that if you don't want the Church to be a part of your life, you should leave it be- that being said it's pretty hard to escape it. It's all around me and an important part of the lives of many who I love. Even if I have chosen to leave it behind, it will still continue to be a part of my life. But as I said, I generally don't seek out stories from disgruntled members and ex-members. I look for understanding and positive accounts if I look at all. I talk to friends and prefer first hand accounts. I want to hear different points of view, but I don't care to hear anyone tear other people or their beliefs down (that kind of thing happens on both sides).

I enjoyed these posts. Not because I think everyone or anyone needs to leave the church, but because it offered an interesting viewpoint and enlightening parallels for me. I don't necessarily recommend that everyone reads them. I definitely think they would be upsetting to many, and unfortunately her posts become increasingly bitter (understandably so) and weak because she begins to writhe and swat at one person (the evil bishop), rather than continue her story about leaving the church (here's her blog).

Reading her posts inspired me to write more about my experience- I'm told I have a rare and fortunate one. I have had what I consider loving and kind treatment from friends and family and a fantastic bishop who helped me figure out what I wanted and believed. I even went to my singles ward HE this Monday and the bishop made a joke about my leaving- it was friendly and hilarious. Like I said, I know that I apparently have a rare and blessed experience and an amazing bishop. I've heard a lot of stories (first and second hand) from people I love and trust that didn't have such fortunate experiences. 

When I was questioning things in the Church I pretty immediately went to my bishop. He is a kind, intelligent, and loving man. I've pretty much always had positive experiences with bishops, and consequently I've always had a pretty easy time trusting my bishops. I had also always had a clean slate- I never had to confess anything to my bishop, which I'm sure further protected me from any negative associations with my leadership. I hope that I've remembered our conversations correctly and haven't skewed anything he's said. I didn't take a tape recorder in, and I recognize that I could have heard what I wanted to hear- that being said, I'll continue.

My bishop is a lawyer and I think perhaps his mind works like mine. When I face a question I immediately begin to argue it from both sides of the fence in my mind. I remember in one of our meetings, there were only about four by the way, he said I'd make a good lawyer because I was able to refute pretty much any of the answers he gave me. I felt safe and I felt like he understood that I wasn't trying to be argumentative or Korihor things up- I was just trying to figure things out for myself. 

So, I asked to meet with my bishop and I shared my doubts, concerns and fears with him. He listened (really listened) and gave insights, answers, "arguments," and opinions as we went. I felt that he didn't brush me off as an apostate or as an idiot who was caught up with the wiles and tricks of the devil. I felt that he listened to what I had to say and gave my questions real thought and care. I felt that he respected me and loved me. Perhaps he thinks one day I'll "wise up" and return, or perhaps he does think me a fool- but I remain convinced his kindness is genuine. 

I met with him several times before finally telling him that I didn't intend on returning. First I asked to be released from my calling- I was a RS teacher and felt it unwise to continue because I might say things that weren't in-line with church teachings. In the course of our meetings I also returned my temple recommend and let my bishop know that I wasn't interested in attending church meetings. Near the end he said that I just needed to do what would make me happy. He said to worry about being happy and worry about the rest later.

A few weeks, or more (idk...lol..winky face...kittens), he texted me and asked to meet again. Because I felt safe and supported doing so, I returned for a visit. He just wanted to check in and see how I felt about things. I said I felt good about my choices and didn't want to return. I said I felt positive about my experience, but in the end I didn't believe in or wish to attend the church anymore. He was warm and kind, and reminded me that I was always welcome and would be missed. A few months later when my brother died I got a call from him- he was kind and I appreciated the call greatly.

In the months following I have attended Home Evening a few times, usually when I thought there would be volleyball or free food. I have enjoyed it sometimes and hated it others, but my ward members were always kind and welcoming. I'm still good friends with ward leaders and active members and I support their choice to attend church. I asked my RS Pres (she's also my friend- I hear there's a new RS presidency now) to not send me a visiting teacher, but the little sneaks assigned a friend of mine and I had a change of heart. My visiting teacher doesn't pray or leave a spiritual messages, and she is a good friend, so I'll let my conspiracy theory thoughts rest and enjoy the good times, haha. 

I suppose there are a lot of differences between me and the woman who wrote those posts about leaving the LDS church. I didn't feel anger and so I didn't want to leave in a negative way. I talked to my bishop and family and friends before I posted online. I can understand her anger, and I have to wonder if I would have behaved similarly if I had been in her situation. Leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I didn't have kids or a husband to consider. I didn't really experience any offenses or hurtful things at church before I left. I didn't leave because I read something upsetting about Joseph Smith. I didn't leave because someone in my ward was mean to me or someone I cared about. Certainly I had concerns about the behavior or some members and their behavior towards others in the church generally, but I wouldn't say that was why I left the church. 

Okay. At this point I realize I'm sounding like a real dickweed. I'm not trying to belittle anyone or suggest that people shouldn't share their negative experiences or vent their frustrations. I just wanted to share my positive experience. It seems that the negative voices will always shout louder than the positive ones. Murders will always beat out cute raccoon and cats being friends on the news (seriously though, THIS SHOULD BE ON ALL THE TV STATIONS...It's an EFFING CUTENESS EPIDEMIC!!!). I guess this post is my religious raccoon kitten palooza. 

I know my disbelief has caused a lot of sadness to people I love, but they've treated me so well! There will always be those who respond to things in a less than "Christlike" way, but there will always be those who respond in a totally amazing way. We're all just trying to figure this life thing out. None of us are perfect and while we might prick and hurt each other, I'd like to assume that most of us just want to be good and share good. 

Oh yeah, in case you're wondering- I've not been faced with excommunication and for the time being feel no need or pressure to sever my official/on paper ties with the Mormon church.

Pt. 1: http://lauraconsistentlyinconsistent.blogspot.com/2013/09/lauras-process-of-becoming-pt-1-i-dont.html

Pt. 2: http://lauraconsistentlyinconsistent.blogspot.com/2013/12/lauras-process-of-becoming-pt-2.html

Pt. 3: http://lauraconsistentlyinconsistent.blogspot.com/2014/05/lauras-process-of-becoming-pt-3.html http://lauraconsistentlyinconsistent.blogspot.com/2013/12/lauras-process-of-becoming-pt-2.html