Dear guys.

This post was inspired by Kaylee, who was inspired by someone, who was inspired by someone. I'll start from the beginning.

Dear 1st Grade Boy,

It sucks that you liked me all year, but you didn't tell me until the day I moved. It also sucks that I threw away those DZ tickets you gave me as a token of your affection, I'd love to have that evidence that a guy liked me tucked away.

Dear Aaron V.,

You were a stoner-douche bag, but I liked you from kindergarten until I moved to Utah in the 8th grade. I still think you are cute, well I don't know what you look like these days, but in my mind you're still cute.

Dear Chris,

I'm sorry I made you eat worms in front of everyone, it's because I liked you.

Dear Brian,

I'm sorry I pushed you down the slide into the hot lava during hot lava monster, it's because I liked you. It's cool that we're friends now. I remember once we got in a debate about if Jesus was born in the spring or the winter. I won because the recess monitor said there wasn't snow in any of the pictures of Jesus, take that.

Dear Daniel U.,

You were Aaron V.'s friend, you were also a stoner-douche bag, but I liked you in the 7th grade. I liked your South Park boxers and your big eyes. You made me cry several times because you were so mean to me, but hey, last I heard you were in prison.

Dear Alex,

I liked you as soon as I moved to Utah. WOW. I love that we're friends and we can laugh about love poems I wrote about you when I was 16. I'm glad we're friends, and that's all we'll ever be. My future husband will probably be jealous of all the journal time I gave you in High School. I love how tall you are, like a "redwood standing above the rest." It pisses me off when you patronize me. I love your family.

Dear Bobblehead,

It's kind of crazy...all of it. I'm sorry I was a crazy crazy person, I was 18 and very naive. It sucks that my crush on you haunted me for my entire undergraduate career. It sucks that people associated me with you for years and even 3 years after we hung out people would say, "Hey, how's he doing?" And I would say, "I have no idea." For a while I wanted to hear anything about you, just to hear about you. Then I didn't want to hear anything. Then I wanted to hear crap about you. Now, well, I don't think about you enough to care what I hear or don't hear about you. So good luck with life and that amazing hair. Even if I sort of think you're a douche bag, you still had good hair.

Dear All the boys I liked in St. George,

I don't remember any of you, not really.

Dear All the guys I've liked in Ogden,

Honestly, I've been trying to replace my father with a new male influence in my life. When my friends are dating and I can fill that male void with their boyfriends, I don't need you. I know it's not healthy. You are all sweet boys, and it will work out with someone sometime for you. I'm glad I don't get to kiss everyone I ever want to kiss, I'd be a slut. Uhhhh, non of you had very good hair. Wait, hot Juan- good job on the hair. Han- best hair!

Dear Current guy,

I like you because you're interesting. I like that you have A LOT of personality. I like you style and your face. You make me laugh and you intrigue me because you're not obsessed with sports. I like that you like a lot of the same things. You should text me. You should ask me out. You give me cocaine brain and date stomach (see glossary). I worry you think I'm dumb because I've haven't been thinking clearly lately (I'm very stressed out because of work and school...and you). I think I like you for you, not just because you're a man who's nice to me. That's good.

Sincerely,

Laura

Glossary:

Cocaine brain: Studies show that the effect of the first three months of dating on the brain are the same chemically as cocaine. This is why it's crucial you date/know each other for more than three months!

Date stomach: Being love sick. You're so stressed about a romantic interest that it gives you a stomach ache. It's good, but it's bad. You don't want to eat, sleeping is difficult, your brain and tummy are mush.

Old Newspaper Editorial

So whilst looking for the Chris Garneau CD review, I happened upon this editorial I wrote for the Paladin (Southern Virginia University's newspaper/news magazine). Surprise, it's about dating. Ha! And the funny thing is, in the editorial I talk about girls needing to chill out, because flirting doesn't mean eternity or even a date...so here's the funny part. I had a crush on a fellow Paladin staff member who I loved to flirt with (NO I'm not talking about the great bobblehead here)and I was always mad he wouldn't ask me out! I'd say, "Why does he flirt with me! He shouldn't flirt with me and not ask me out!" But in this editorial I say, flirting doesn't mean dating...do you catch my drift here? Oh well, hypocrisy is kinda my thing sometimes. Enjoy my poorly written rambling, most likely written to impress men, but as usual- impressed no one.

"It starts with an apostle. He says, “Go on dates! Ask girls out! Lots and lots of dates.” So the men “Follow the Prophet” and go on dates.

 Then the women gossip, “Bobby is such a player! He’s gone on 3 dates in the last month!” Then men find out girls are labeling him as a player. The men don’t want to be labeled as players; so, like men, they go cold turkey and stop asking girls out all together. Lay off ladies; when you discourage guys from dating they stop asking us out.

 According to the Mormon vernacular a player is defined as: play·er \ˈplā-ər\ –noun 1. A person who kisses (this includes any kind of kiss, make-out or otherwise) several different people in a short amount of time. 2. Someone who says I love you to different partners frequently.

Being a player is not okay. It may seem like a sweet rollercoaster of titillation for the player, but the poor sap that got played it’s like having to listen to Ashlee Simpson for eternity; no good. 

At SVU the typical dating pattern seems to be: boy meets girl, boy develops friendship with (but never actually dates) girl, boy proposes to girl, boy and girl marry (usually within 3 months of engagement or initial meeting). 

We’re skipping an important step here people, dating. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to “shop around” in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects.”

Shopping around and playing are not the same thing. A date should be a non-committal activity. Elder Oaks explains, “the more elaborate and expensive the date, the fewer the dates… this seems to create an expectation that a date implies seriousness or continuing commitment. That expectation discourages dating even more.”

People need to chill out. Just because a guy asks you on a date it doesn’t mean he’s automatically your eternal companion. Players are bad because they just want to please themselves, they don’t care about the ones they play. Shopping around is just a way to get to know people.

The typical dating pattern at SVU should be: boy meets girl, boy asks girl out and develops friendship with girl, boy and girl date for at least more than one month, boy proposes to girl, boy and girl marry (after at least 4 months of engagement).

            It’s a nasty spiral that poisons every aspect of the romance well. On one hand the women are making the men too afraid to breathe; on the other hand, the men are big cowards who need to use their testosterone and buck up.

“Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with… Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it.” Elder Oaks sums it up nicely.          

Text me,

Sherona"

PS. My cartoon was called My Sherona, like the song, and that's why it's signed, "Sherona"

Love love love. Or more specifically, dating.

I've come to a realization lately. I need to stop complaining about the things I want. I mean, how is it logical to say, "I really want a degree...but I'm going to complain about school every step of the way?" Or, "I really want a boyfriend...men are such idiots! I can't stand them! They need to ask me out...bla bla bla."? No, it's not. A. STOP COMPLAINING (Remember audience, this blog is usually me talking about me...so I'm saying, I need to stop complaining.) And not only do I need to cut back on complaining in general, but I really need to stop complaining about things I want, or actually like!

I don't understand much about men, but I do know this- It takes two to tango, it goes both ways, and non of us are innocent. Men are idiots, but so are women. Women are scared and confused, but so are men.

B. I think I’ve discovered something about men. I mean, I don’t think I do, or ever will, understand them- but I think I’ve caught a glimpse. I’ve always thought that when a guy gives me attention, flirts with me, tells me personal things, and is comfortable- he likes me. I mean, that’s how I treat guys that I “like like.”

BRAIN BLAST! That’s also how I treat guys that I just like as friends…

I was going to say that when a guy treated me this way, I assumed it meant he liked me, but maybe the problem is that he’s too comfortable with me. Maybe I need a guy to feel nervous and a little bit uneasy around me…maybe it’s the ones who I don’t notice, because they’re too afraid to be at ease with me, who like like me…

Maybe this is how it is, they like like me- they hide; they like me- they’re my best friend. Maybe I do the same thing to men. But guess what- that’s crap!

"HAPPY SMILE. SAD FROWN."

If I like a guy I should be able to shower him with attention- I’m not talking stalker, over the top drowning here- I just mean an appropriate amount of affection. I want to date my best friend; I want to marry my best friend. I don’t want friends and a lover, I want a friend lover.

That’s my pattern though. I meet a guy. I like a guy. We become great friends. He thinks I’m amazing, “great people” (I SO relate with Queen Latifah’s character in Just Wright), he loves me, but doesn’t love me (it’s like my excess of fans, when all I really want is friends). The problem with guys friends who I want to be more than friends, is that it makes me feel like I’m in a hole, a rigid pattern, that I’ll never escape. He’ll tell me his thoughts and secrets, I’ll get close, and then one day he’ll tell me about the girl he like likes, the girl that’s not me.

So here’s the thing, this blog was initially going to be very different. It was, and now will be, about giving men a break. I think women love to blame men for all of the relationship problems in the world, and men love to blame women. But the reality is that it’s hard for everyone. Women are afraid of being shutdown and of not being asked out, dated, and loved. But men have to do the asking! And guess what, they’re definitely afraid of being shutdown, turned down, and not being loved. I used to say, “Men need to grow a pair and ask girls out!” Or, “It’s not like a lot of girls say, ‘No;’ guys just need to ask the right girls out, I wouldn’t say no.” But I’ve come to realize, girls say no to guys all of the time- and not just the creepers, girls turn down guys all the time (and most likely for the same bogus reasons guys aren’t asking more girls out).

Guys think girls want something unrealistic, perfect- Edward Cullen, and maybe some girls do- but most of us want real men. Real men who make mistakes, who aren't cold and "perfect" (but actually Edward is creepy on like 12 levels...). And women think the same thing- we think you want models with "perfect" bodies...but I have a feeling, that like us, men want real people too. Emotional, squooshy women.

I'LL TAKE AN IMPERFECT REALITY OVER A PERFECT FANTASY ANY DAY.

It worries me. When a man, or women, we fancy doesn’t return affection in the way we think they should- we immediately assume there’s something wrong with us. Just because a guy doesn’t ask me out, it doesn’t mean I’m ugly, fat, or terrible in some way. Just because a girl doesn’t bat her eyes at you, doesn’t mean you’re weak, or undesirable. Why can’t we (this definitely includes myself) just realize that he/she doesn’t know you like them, and he/she likes another he/she, but yet another he/she likes you! It’s all scrambled and confusing, but it will all work out as it should!

And girls- we do things that screw it all up too. Like constantly surrounding each other in a swarm of girls- how can any guy get in, if we don’t leave any open seats at the table for them?!

 

I guess we’ll never understand each other, we women and men. 

A dear, dear friend of mine, Emily, says of men, “Yjnhyhbbgfhgbhgtfhbgtg….what does that mean…it’s what I hear when men speak.”

My dear cousin Anne, said of the lovable brutes, “kdj;lfngj;lkgsda;lfkadj….or at least that is what men hear."

And another thing, when you ask your married friends, “How do you do it, how do you date?” They may answer, “Oh well you just have to do this…or that…” But the reality is, they were in the same position we single folk are in currently. They were worried about the same things. They were fretting over misunderstandings and whining about the lack of dates. And then one day, it changed. They met the right person, at the right time- and it worked out.

The point is- we’re all confused. Give the beasts a chance. Everything is usually misunderstanding.

Day 8: Dating do and don'ts

Monday's Valentine's celebration was easy because it was supplied for me! For our wards FHE our bishop and his wife talked about some of the do and don'ts of celestial dating and we even watched The Phone Call!

Click To Play

The bishop gave us a packet with ideas for easy and cheap dates, here are a few of my favorites:

Fly airplanes off a cliff, breakfast date (guys cook), fake running out of gas (the couple pushes), visit an old folks home, walk all the dogs in the neighborhood, decorate someone's car "just married," discover a mountain and plant a flag you made together, follow-the-clue hike, candlelight dinner in the back of a pick-up, get on a bus and take a tour of the city, go to an art gallery, go to a farm and do chores together, mud fights, little kid games (hide and go seek, mother may I etc), taffy pull, hiking, tubing, go fishing with a picnic, tennis, Lagoon, wash a car, bake something, badminton, shoot guns, Easter egg hunt, planetarium, dress in overalls and act like janitors, rent a cheap cartoon or movie, swinging in the park, horseback riding at night and more! This list is amazing! I want to do all of it! ASK ME OUT! haha...


Here are a few don'ts for guys:
Doesn't talk or carry on conversations, aggressively touchy, crude, burps, SPITS, swears, checks other girls out, cuts himself down, complains about price of date, too much aftershave/cologne etc.


Don’ts for girls:
Won’t help make any decisions- just says, “I don’t know,” doesn’t order dinner (pretends not to be hungry when she is), too much perfume, self deprecates, constantly going to the bathroom (they know you’re going in there to call or text friends etc), too much makeup, acts dumb, swearing, won’t tell you she doesn’t like you, expects fancy dates etc.


Rules for Celestial Dating:
No kissing/hugging/make-out sessions, no French kissing, don’t go into the opposite sexes room, no back rubs (back rubs lead to front rubs- I added that one), do not lie down on top of each other, dress modestly, avoid late hours etc.

Here's a fun date idea- make cardboard costumes and explore the town in them!

Additionally the packet has some info. about chastity, purity and date etiquette. It’s a great packet and I really enjoyed going to FHE!

So what I love about myself is that I give genuine compliments! Sometimes they are detailed and possibly people think I'm a freak, but if in my head I think, "That girl has a beautiful face," I'm going to tell her! Holding in a compliment is like holding in a smile, you're depriving the world of something that would benefit it! So feel good if I ever gave you a compliment like, "You have great bone structure," because I don't say compliments unless I really believe them!