Delightful things!

Well it has been a while, but one of my loves is still a love: list making! Today's list, 10 things that are delightful.

Biblecats.com calender image

1. White kidney bean magic!!! I recently learned a beautiful  replacement for butter in cookies! When making chocolate chip cookies, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume this applies to most cookies- replace the butter with pureed white kidney beans!!! My next adventure will involve garbanzo beans! Now I know you're probably saying, NASTY!!! But they're SO yummy!!! I will say this, you can taste the beans in the dough, but once they're baked- the beans are gone! And everyone who had some liked them! Here's my favorite recipe (Mrs. Field recipe):

1 c. butter -1 cup pureed white beans (I used a food processor)
1 c. sugar
1 c. brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
2 c. flour
2 1/2 c. oatmeal, ground in blender (this ingredient is a must, and a food processor works great, or you can buy oat flour)
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. soda
12 oz. chocolate chips (go for the milk chocolate Ghirardelli chips!)

Cream butter and sugars together. Add eggs and vanilla. Mix in flour, oatmeal, baking powder and soda. Stir in chips and Hershey bar. Bake 7-10 minutes at 375 degrees.

Yum yum yum- I'm inspired to find other healthier replacements!

2. Students. My students say the funniest things! Whether they're asking me, "Are you married? How old are you? Why are you single?" Or, "Did you make your hair today? Did you know Carson is a girl? He plays with dolls and sings like a girl! (Response from Carson:) I am! I half boy, and half girl," my students are always entertaining me!

I love this video! These are not my students, but I experience this caliber of pure kid genius daily!

3. My Christmas tree! Shelly helped my decorate it, and yes- those are all my ornaments!

Tree. Homemade paper stocking for Brangelina and the kids, my roommates, Shelly, and...me. Shelly's masterfully crafted mistletoe above the front door.

4. RACQUETBALL!!!!

5. CAR DANCING/KARAOKE

6. DANCING!!!

7. GOOD man hair. You know- the kind you wouldn't get your fingers stuck in, but the kind that you'd certainly want to run said fingers through. I'm talking kitten soft forearm and chest cuddle clouds. I'm talking the kind of beard that massages your face like butterfly kisses from a gay Pegasus who bathes in vats of sunshine lotion. "Si, azul...EXACTAMENTE!"

8. This next delightful item is something I've most definitely blogged or mentioned before: Great Lake Swimmers. I LOVE THEM. P.S. Perfect Christmas gift- I've only got Bodies and Minds, I want their other CDs. When I was making breakfast this morning I had my itunes on shuffle and this song came on. I thought to myself, "This music is heaven...it's like drinking in some warm heaven, and if it were summer it would be like drinking in cool heaven." Unfortunately the leads singer seems to have shaved his beautiful beard off for this video. Also, I don't love this video, especially compared to their other videos- but the song still rocks.

9. Feeling in control of my body. So, as I previously blogged about, I went on a sugar fast. Yes I ate fruit, fruit is SUPER vital. Anyway, I didn't have sweets or deserts etc. for three weeks before thanksgiving, with the exception of the Harry Potter party because my friend Anne made delicious home made treats. However, though delicious they may have been, it made me feel awful eating all of that sugar! When Thanksgiving rolled around I for sure had some Egg Nog (I love it!), and some pie- but in contrast to previous years, I had a few pieces (rather than 15 pieces of something terrible like that). Now that the Holiday has passed and I have about three weeks until Christmas break I feel rededicated to eat less, if any, sugar. If something looks terribly wonderful, I will eat it. But if someone says, "Want a Zinger?" I can confidently say, "No thank you," because guess what? I don't like Zingers, and I'm only eating sugar if it's really worth it!

10. My dad's nub. I know it's gone forever, but we love it! The nub is where it's at.

When my dad was born his mother had the German Measles. He had a heart defect since birth and Forrest Gump style leg braces. He was born with his fingers on his right hand fused together, and after many painful surgeries, he ended up with the nub. I'm happy that thanks to the resurrection he wont be stuck with the nub forever, and that his spirit is whole- but that doesn't mean I can't love the nub.

So there you have, 10 delightful things in my delightful life. Isn't it delightful...delightful like a viking riding on the wings of a tempest.

Old Newspaper Editorial

So whilst looking for the Chris Garneau CD review, I happened upon this editorial I wrote for the Paladin (Southern Virginia University's newspaper/news magazine). Surprise, it's about dating. Ha! And the funny thing is, in the editorial I talk about girls needing to chill out, because flirting doesn't mean eternity or even a date...so here's the funny part. I had a crush on a fellow Paladin staff member who I loved to flirt with (NO I'm not talking about the great bobblehead here)and I was always mad he wouldn't ask me out! I'd say, "Why does he flirt with me! He shouldn't flirt with me and not ask me out!" But in this editorial I say, flirting doesn't mean dating...do you catch my drift here? Oh well, hypocrisy is kinda my thing sometimes. Enjoy my poorly written rambling, most likely written to impress men, but as usual- impressed no one.

"It starts with an apostle. He says, “Go on dates! Ask girls out! Lots and lots of dates.” So the men “Follow the Prophet” and go on dates.

 Then the women gossip, “Bobby is such a player! He’s gone on 3 dates in the last month!” Then men find out girls are labeling him as a player. The men don’t want to be labeled as players; so, like men, they go cold turkey and stop asking girls out all together. Lay off ladies; when you discourage guys from dating they stop asking us out.

 According to the Mormon vernacular a player is defined as: play·er \ˈplā-ər\ –noun 1. A person who kisses (this includes any kind of kiss, make-out or otherwise) several different people in a short amount of time. 2. Someone who says I love you to different partners frequently.

Being a player is not okay. It may seem like a sweet rollercoaster of titillation for the player, but the poor sap that got played it’s like having to listen to Ashlee Simpson for eternity; no good. 

At SVU the typical dating pattern seems to be: boy meets girl, boy develops friendship with (but never actually dates) girl, boy proposes to girl, boy and girl marry (usually within 3 months of engagement or initial meeting). 

We’re skipping an important step here people, dating. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to “shop around” in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects.”

Shopping around and playing are not the same thing. A date should be a non-committal activity. Elder Oaks explains, “the more elaborate and expensive the date, the fewer the dates… this seems to create an expectation that a date implies seriousness or continuing commitment. That expectation discourages dating even more.”

People need to chill out. Just because a guy asks you on a date it doesn’t mean he’s automatically your eternal companion. Players are bad because they just want to please themselves, they don’t care about the ones they play. Shopping around is just a way to get to know people.

The typical dating pattern at SVU should be: boy meets girl, boy asks girl out and develops friendship with girl, boy and girl date for at least more than one month, boy proposes to girl, boy and girl marry (after at least 4 months of engagement).

            It’s a nasty spiral that poisons every aspect of the romance well. On one hand the women are making the men too afraid to breathe; on the other hand, the men are big cowards who need to use their testosterone and buck up.

“Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with… Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it.” Elder Oaks sums it up nicely.          

Text me,

Sherona"

PS. My cartoon was called My Sherona, like the song, and that's why it's signed, "Sherona"

Chris Garneau

SO CREEPY. SO AMAZING!

I'm glad Chirs Garneau has taken a liking to music videos- with his first album they were more of just performance videos...these are so creative. And his voice is still like Sprite bubbles!


Wahoo, all of this new Chris Garneau has inspired me to pull out the CD review I did for his cd, Music For Tourists, in 2006. Here ya go:
"Chris Garneau’s debut album, “Music for Tourists”: a mixture of mello-happy and the kind of sad it’s nice to be.

I’m thinking light pink jell-O and butterflies. With a voice that makes you feel like you’re swimming in sprite, Chris Garneau’s album is perfect for slowly sliping the hours away.

I’d even go as far as to suggest scheduling a “special time” on your Saturdays, under a tree with Garneau, or better yet save him for those unexpected morsels of time we students find here and there. This album makes you breath slower and deeper, resulting in an invaluable calm.

Now don’t get me wrong, even though he plays the piano (and has been since he was five years old) Garneau doesn’t go all “Coldplay” on you and repeat the same song 13 times, but you can indeed put “Music for Tourists” on and expect your blood pressure to drop a few points.

A self-proclaimed “avid lampshade collector”, and lover of steak and treats, Garneau will woe your heart in an instant. Whether that instant is when he angelically sings about Hamburger Helper or a more meaningful topic like sorrow, the instant will come. Most generically described as acoustic-indie-folk, “Music for Tourists” is composed of soft piano, supported by cello, bass, violin and more.

Some of Garneau’s favorite things to listen to include, Elliot Smith, The Velvet Underground, Nike Drake and The Sister Act soundtrack. Like his tastes in music Garneau keeps things interesting, it’s not just 30 minutes of, “I love you baby, I love you” playing over and over. No, Chris does not create the comatose, but rather he mollifies.

So next time you need a break, forget about your old Spice World soundtrack and pop in the new Chris Garneau album, “Music for Tourists”.

The album comes out January 23, 2007, but you can purchase it now from Absolutely Kosher. For more information on Chris check out: www.chrisgarneau.com or www.myspace.com/chrisgarneau."

Surfing the Asthmatic Kitty Website

http://asthmatickitty.com/

Rafter Roberts- I don't love his solo music, but I can't deny his style. Look at his PERFECT hair cut! And the glasses and the background- love it. But really, I DON'T like his music. And his song "Paper" just goes off saying the F bomb over and over- I thought Asthmatic Kitty Records was started by Sufjan, the uber Christian...and I mean, who cares I guess, but it caught me off guard. Why can't this Rafter fellow have music as good as his hair?! I judged this book by it's cover- and it was a good book. But then I read the book and it was the beginning of Wurthering Heights mixed with the ending of Vanity Fair.

FAIL.  

Now take this fellow Asthmatic Kitty, DM Stith. Not so fabulous as Rafter on the outside- but he's a little more Narnia (during the Aslan years) on the inside. I like his fuzzy shawl thing though...

Though my plans to convert Sufjan Stevens to the Mormon church, and then marry him were foiled at his concert last Monday- I'm keeping the dream alive. Haha, creepy much? Hayley can marry Josh Groban, and I will have Sufjan- now that would be an interesting musical mix!

Sugar fast

I've recently decided to do a sugar fast. Sugar consumes my life! I have a serious addiction- and it's not exactly helping my mood, appetite, or waist line. So it gone with sugar...at least until Thanksgiving, I'm not giving up pie! So it's 3 weeks with no sugar, and then all of December to be a holiday treat glutton!

The thing to keep in mind is that sugar isn't the enemy- overuse and imbalance are the enemies. Normally sugar not too big of a deal for me because I don't eat a lot of processed food- but it's been tough this fall. Everywhere I go there is sugar- work, school, church- all of the places I go, people are shoving free pie and candy in my face. FREE PIE!

Sugar here, sugar there- no big deal, right? Wrong, pretty soon sugar here and sugar there becomes sugar everywhere! So the point is, I'm taking a break, no sugar until my mom's homemade Thanksgiving pies!
So, I've not had sugar for 4 days now...and guess what, I have less insane food cravings, vegetables and fruit taste better, I'm drinking more water, and I've shed 5 pounds! Intense. I guess sugar is good, but it doesn't taste as good as I feel. Now...I'm not saying, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels," because I hate that saying! Skinny doesn't make you happy, healthy makes you happy- and those are two different things. I don't want a body made of thin, or air, or thin air...I want a body made of fruit, veggies, whole grains, water, and hummus!

Speaking of fasts...I've been thinking. There is something else I need to fast from, call it an early lent X2 this year- I'm fasting from judging others (or at least I'm going to try,  it's a lot easier to fast from physical vices, rather than mental, spiritual, or emotional vices).

Lately I keep telling myself that it's easy to pick people apart when I don't know them. I'd say to myself, "It's one thing to gossip about people you know; it doesn't matter if I judge people I don't know." But the truth is, it's been eating me from the inside out. It's no longer a sin of omission, but rather commission, when you do something and feel the pricks of the spirit telling you it's wrong- but you keep doing it anyway. There's no way around it, it's wrong. So, I'm cutting it out of my life the best I can.
Each time I think something negative about someone, especially based on appearance, I should think of the good things I can see, and the good things I can imagine. They aren't fictional characters that i can analyze and pick apart, people are people- and I should love them. Considering how often my initial perceptions of people are wrong- you'd think I'd learn not to judge people on appearance...but this is life, and I wont be perfect when I wake up in the morning. I just have to be grateful I wake up at all, and love people.
Spurring my desire to purge myself of unrighteous judgments, was President Thomas S. Monson's talk from the last General Relief Society  Meeting:  

http://new.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/charity-never-faileth?lang=eng

Everything is about balance, but sometimes- we just have to rid what we've made vice temporarily, and sometimes we must rid it completely. Wish me luck, or better yet, love me, and love everyone.

Halloween costumes- life costumes

It seems I cannot escape my true nature...I'm a bee.

Here I am in my Easter Bee hat- this is definitely going to part of my Halloween costume next year

Every year it's the same thing...I have these grand aspirations to be Margot Tenenbaum, a zombie artist, a Pegasus, a black widow...but it all ends the same every year- I'm a bee.

Here I am last year...as a bee, with my baby bumble bee

Perhaps next year I should give up the charade, and just start out as a bee. You see, I usually do wear a different costume to start out. This year I was a zombie for a party the week before Halloween. Last year I was a Pegasus (most people thought I was an anime character...) and Margot Tenenbaum. But I think it's time, time to just be a bee.

Her costume is way more Blind Melon than mine

I love my bee costume though...I've had it since the 7th grade! (I don't get how it still fits...but it does). Maybe I should start working on the ultimate bee, the Blind Melon bee...but no, I love my bee costume. It's kinda like a potato sack...the stingers worn from all the children pulling on it over the year (it's held together by a safety pin)...there's a spot where I put a banana sticker, then washed it, and now the glue is there to stay (I always put a pin on it, this year it's a flower.

It's not just bees. I love bugs. Here are some inspiration bugs for my art I did at SVU

This was one of the many pet spiders I've had over the years. He would put all of his kills in a straight line, and then nestle himself in the middle- like a string of pearls.

Here I am in one of my childhood bee dresses. And those are my favorite sun glasses I've ever had

Here's a wasp woodcut I did a few years ago- click the photo for a link

I've always loved bees...when I was a kid I collected bee stuff. I've always loved bugs, but bees were my favorite...Maybe I should marry an entomologist...what a dream come true! My room was decorated with bee paraphernalia...I had clothing with bees on it...and even in my undergraduate, my senior art show was a collection of insect paintings and prints! Maybe that's why it felt so unfulfilled- there were no bee prints.

Notice my bee shirt? I'm the one looking down on the right, I'm in a white dress with my favorite bee shirt.

 But it's not just my Halloween costume I've been thinking about. It's my entire IDENTITY. I'm, not questioning it, actually I'm pretty good with the identity thing at the moment...but I've been thinking. You are what people tell you you are. You are what you tell you you are. You are what you tell people you are. If people tell you you're something enough, it wont be long before you'll convince yourself that you really are what they've said.

 I think that happens a lot. Like, my whole life people have told me I'm weird...so I accepted the role they gave me...then when I accepted, and even enjoyed that role, people got mad at me for it. They'd say things like, "You just like saying you're weird, " or, "You just want attention..." etc. But I don't know, people told me I was something, that turned into me accepting their opinion of me, and so I became that- weird. 

 
It's like this episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I wont deny it, I like the show- it's like hormone pumped Power Rangers on crack)- this girl at Buffy's school is ignored by everyone. Students, teachers, no one even knows she exists- and eventually she just disappears! Well, I wont go into the details, but basically she becomes invisible and seeks revenge on those who ignored her. The point is, everyone treated her like she was invisible, and so she became invisible. 
Okay...so that's a fictional example- but I know this girl ("Is this real life?" Yes it is.), she constantly says things like, "Oh, well I'm just the meanest person alive..you know me, I'm a real jerk...you know me, because I'm so good looking (lay on the thickest sarcasm you can imagine here)...oh well, because everyone looooooves me," and so on. I'm not going to lie, I usually want to punch her when she says this crap. I mean, I've never once said anything to her that puts her down- I DON'T NEED TO, SHE'S GOT IT COVERED. grr. I mean, she tells everyone she's awful, so you know what? Everyone thinks she's awful- it's a vicious cycle.
I could go on, citing more examples of people who are "gay," fat, ugly, stupid etc. etc.- but the thing is, maybe if everyone hadn't told them they were those things all their lives, or maybe if they hadn't told everyone they were those things (can we say faulty defense mechanisms here?!)- people wouldn't think they were those things, and maybe they wouldn't be those things. Woah, run-on sentence that I'm too lazy to fix.


"I don't hate you because you're fat, you're fat because I hate you."

frick frackin' bee.

Love love love. Or more specifically, dating.

I've come to a realization lately. I need to stop complaining about the things I want. I mean, how is it logical to say, "I really want a degree...but I'm going to complain about school every step of the way?" Or, "I really want a boyfriend...men are such idiots! I can't stand them! They need to ask me out...bla bla bla."? No, it's not. A. STOP COMPLAINING (Remember audience, this blog is usually me talking about me...so I'm saying, I need to stop complaining.) And not only do I need to cut back on complaining in general, but I really need to stop complaining about things I want, or actually like!

I don't understand much about men, but I do know this- It takes two to tango, it goes both ways, and non of us are innocent. Men are idiots, but so are women. Women are scared and confused, but so are men.

B. I think I’ve discovered something about men. I mean, I don’t think I do, or ever will, understand them- but I think I’ve caught a glimpse. I’ve always thought that when a guy gives me attention, flirts with me, tells me personal things, and is comfortable- he likes me. I mean, that’s how I treat guys that I “like like.”

BRAIN BLAST! That’s also how I treat guys that I just like as friends…

I was going to say that when a guy treated me this way, I assumed it meant he liked me, but maybe the problem is that he’s too comfortable with me. Maybe I need a guy to feel nervous and a little bit uneasy around me…maybe it’s the ones who I don’t notice, because they’re too afraid to be at ease with me, who like like me…

Maybe this is how it is, they like like me- they hide; they like me- they’re my best friend. Maybe I do the same thing to men. But guess what- that’s crap!

"HAPPY SMILE. SAD FROWN."

If I like a guy I should be able to shower him with attention- I’m not talking stalker, over the top drowning here- I just mean an appropriate amount of affection. I want to date my best friend; I want to marry my best friend. I don’t want friends and a lover, I want a friend lover.

That’s my pattern though. I meet a guy. I like a guy. We become great friends. He thinks I’m amazing, “great people” (I SO relate with Queen Latifah’s character in Just Wright), he loves me, but doesn’t love me (it’s like my excess of fans, when all I really want is friends). The problem with guys friends who I want to be more than friends, is that it makes me feel like I’m in a hole, a rigid pattern, that I’ll never escape. He’ll tell me his thoughts and secrets, I’ll get close, and then one day he’ll tell me about the girl he like likes, the girl that’s not me.

So here’s the thing, this blog was initially going to be very different. It was, and now will be, about giving men a break. I think women love to blame men for all of the relationship problems in the world, and men love to blame women. But the reality is that it’s hard for everyone. Women are afraid of being shutdown and of not being asked out, dated, and loved. But men have to do the asking! And guess what, they’re definitely afraid of being shutdown, turned down, and not being loved. I used to say, “Men need to grow a pair and ask girls out!” Or, “It’s not like a lot of girls say, ‘No;’ guys just need to ask the right girls out, I wouldn’t say no.” But I’ve come to realize, girls say no to guys all of the time- and not just the creepers, girls turn down guys all the time (and most likely for the same bogus reasons guys aren’t asking more girls out).

Guys think girls want something unrealistic, perfect- Edward Cullen, and maybe some girls do- but most of us want real men. Real men who make mistakes, who aren't cold and "perfect" (but actually Edward is creepy on like 12 levels...). And women think the same thing- we think you want models with "perfect" bodies...but I have a feeling, that like us, men want real people too. Emotional, squooshy women.

I'LL TAKE AN IMPERFECT REALITY OVER A PERFECT FANTASY ANY DAY.

It worries me. When a man, or women, we fancy doesn’t return affection in the way we think they should- we immediately assume there’s something wrong with us. Just because a guy doesn’t ask me out, it doesn’t mean I’m ugly, fat, or terrible in some way. Just because a girl doesn’t bat her eyes at you, doesn’t mean you’re weak, or undesirable. Why can’t we (this definitely includes myself) just realize that he/she doesn’t know you like them, and he/she likes another he/she, but yet another he/she likes you! It’s all scrambled and confusing, but it will all work out as it should!

And girls- we do things that screw it all up too. Like constantly surrounding each other in a swarm of girls- how can any guy get in, if we don’t leave any open seats at the table for them?!

 

I guess we’ll never understand each other, we women and men. 

A dear, dear friend of mine, Emily, says of men, “Yjnhyhbbgfhgbhgtfhbgtg….what does that mean…it’s what I hear when men speak.”

My dear cousin Anne, said of the lovable brutes, “kdj;lfngj;lkgsda;lfkadj….or at least that is what men hear."

And another thing, when you ask your married friends, “How do you do it, how do you date?” They may answer, “Oh well you just have to do this…or that…” But the reality is, they were in the same position we single folk are in currently. They were worried about the same things. They were fretting over misunderstandings and whining about the lack of dates. And then one day, it changed. They met the right person, at the right time- and it worked out.

The point is- we’re all confused. Give the beasts a chance. Everything is usually misunderstanding.